The Legend Of Leo
by leogodzalez
Summary: A story about the adventures of Leo Godzalez, the greatest hero (or maybe villain) the world has ever known!
1. THE FIRST ONE

LEGEND OF LEO

THE PROLOGUE

CHAPTER ONE: THE BEGINNING OF THE BEGINNING, OR: THE BEGINNINING

[A/N: hi guys this is leo; okay, so this is my first story ever, rly hope you like it and comment, like, and subscribe… or follow and leave a review haha idk. so anyway full disclosure I don't have a whole lot of writing experience, I'm only 14 I go to a junior high school (I was about to type out the full thing but Andrew said to not do that its dangerous; also, Andrew is the editor and my best friend, I also have Steven here he's totally cool) and i have a lot of friends and yeah, but anyway so please leave some constructive criticism but only if its positive and not negative in the slightest because honestly who needs that negativity in their life you know, and uhm if there's anybody from school reading this that I like, hi! Especially if youre in creative writing club cause ive told you guys about this story and read it a little bit even when Andrew kept banging his head on the desk like he didn't want to be there. if there's anybody from school reading this that I don't like, then please stop reading and please don't troll and don't leave negative reviews (im looking at you Nathan although not really because I don't stalk to anybody that isn't vanessa… I mean um my mother! wait that's not much better uh I think I confused the world stalk with talk I guess, I don't know where I was going this sorry vanessa; that is, if youre reading this vanessa, in which case keep reading it and we should also hang out sometime. also, if anybody from sega is reading this, can you guys please answer my letters and stop sending me restraining orders? anyway, without any further ado, here is the first chapter to my opera. Oh, guys! Introduce yourselves, please.]

[Andrew's note: im Andrew, I'm 15, and i'm starting to wonder what kind of evil stuff I did in my past life that led me here]

[Steven's note: I'm STEVEN! 14 years baby! I'm useful, and I'm totally single and ready to pringle, ladies.]

[Andrew's Editing Note: also hey guys, if you ever see _these_ kind of notes, they're basically like notes I made to like… I guess illuminate my suffering? and they're also notes I make for leos benefit, stuff I forget to edit out before publishing these lmao, so yeah. But seriously, if you guys think this shit has a lot of authors notes now imagine what it looks it pre-editing, its way longer, so sorry if I occasionally leave in notes I make, usually 2 tired to fix them.

but yeah, here we goooo]

[A/N: Happy Halloween! Otherwise known as… LEO DAY! NOW WE BEGIN!]

[***]

 **BRITANNIA, BRITANNIA (THE CAPITAL OF BRITANNIA)**

 **THE BAD FUTURE, CERCA 2039**

 **EVILPANDA'S EVIL HEADQUARTERS**

It was a dark and stormy night, which was pretty unusual for Britannia, given that the nights were usually pretty mild and sunny, even over-easy from time to time. [A/N: thats actually a lie, Britannia has been plunged into darkness] From her excellent viewpoint on the command dais, EvilPanda could see everything about her beloved Britannian capital. The exposed husks of crumbling, shitty-looking skyscrapers. The bright, brief flashes of distant gunfire, laser-fire, oil fires, water fires, all kinds of fires. Occasional flashes of lightning streaking across the smog-filled sky, which was totally the work of the Grand Wizard Choong, still suffering from the effects of wizard cancer [Andrew's Editing Note: what the hell is wizard cancer and why does it sound funny]. The glint of buzzsaws cutting peasants to pieces in the commons below. The shine of rotating gears, slamming pistons, and other mechanical stuff [A/N: wasnt sure what to put here but yeah you get the idea] and doo-hickeys that EvilPanda could very clearly see with her gifted eyes that were always closed.

And always-closed they were. It scared and unnerved anybody that came close to her. Her appearance was pretty deceptively cute otherwise [A/N: I'd have her in my harem if she wasn't evil] [Andrew's Editing Note: we haven't introduced them yet Leo jfc]. She wasn't much taller than 5'2, 5'3 at most, with a flowing, black Hime cut that reached down to her shoulderblades, a pretty thin build, and a dress that screamed both pirate and assassin: a long black dress with a gold trim lining, frilly white sleeves at the forearms [A/N: we did our homework! We know what forearms are], long black trousers, and black heels. A lot of black, so much black! Black as the night, or like darkness. So while she looked pretty adorable, all of the appeal was superficial. Why? Let's just say the curtain matches the drapes. She's an evil woman, very evil, and you could detect that evil in that evil smirk that was always glued onto her evil face, her eyes closed in a peaceful-looking but also evil fashion [A/N: I swear her eyes are not closed because she's Asian, Andrew told me that might be racist] [Andrew's note: it is but you're Mexican leo I think we can excuse it… maybe].

Oh, and she also had panda-like ears at the top of her head. She also has regular old human ears in addition though, so she can hear everything twice as good.

She lifted her arms and let out an evil laugh. "RAHAHAHAHAAAAA! I am EVIL, yes I am!" she proclaimed, with a dastardly intonation that only someone of her evil caliber could muster. Down below, all of her slaves—er, loyal employees, turned from their monitors to face her.

EvilPanda paused in her evil shenanigans to observe each and every one of them. Gathered in her Headquarters were some of her greatest police officers, enforcers, engineers, scientists, experiments, and button-pushing people on her empire's payroll. Although they were a great mix of many races, ages, heights, weights, genders, fenders, species, illegal immigrants, and food groups in the room, they all had one thing in common that united them all: they were absolutely terrified of Empress EvilPanda.

And boy was she proud of that fact. EvilPanda smirked just at the thought of it, cackling evilly once more. She had worked hard to make that personality cult of hers stick, make people fear the name Empress EvilPanda, almost as much as they feared the name… Leo. [A/N: yesssssssss!] [Steven's Note: AND SATIM! They fear that name too!] [Andrew's note: ;.byugtuc7iv]

The blue-clad police officer standing at EvilPanda's side on the command dais shuffled her feet a little bit. EvilPanda turned to look at her.

"You have something to say, Mii Force B?" EvilPanda purred maliciously, curling her fingers around the hilt of her cutlass perched on her hip.

"Uhhh, no, nothing really particular," Mii Force B muttered, tucking a stray blonde lock up and away from her visor. "Just thinking about, y'know… sports scores."

"YEESSS, MUAHAHAHA, PERFECT!" EvilPanda proclaimed, folding her arms triumphantly. "It pleases me GREATLY when you think about something like sports, which I had REMOVED because not only are they ridiculously stupid—" [A/N: they arrrree btw I don't like sports except swimming that's fun] "—they were also a source of ENJOYMENT FOR EVERYONE! And as we all know, having fun is…?"

"Against the law," everyone in HQ monotoned. Except for Puppy, who barked.

"BARK BARK!" said Puppy, a blonde girl with police armor not dissimilar to Mii Force B's that kept rolling around on the floor.

"Yeeeeesss, that is exceptionally true, Puppy, Mii Force B's former golden retriever puppy whom I had TURNED INTO A HUMAN WITH DOGLIKE TRAITS… for MY OWN AMUSEMENT!" EvilPanda said, pumping her fist in triumph at her truly horrendous deeds.

"You don't have to remind me every single time she comes up in a conversation, Your Highness…" Mii Force B muttered, wiping a singular tear away from her cyan visor.

"Yeessss, CONTINUE! The fluids coming from your tearducts arouses me GREATLY!" [Andrew's Editing Note: I made this line I think it's pretty fucking golden just sayin]

"BARK BARK!" Puppy added helpfully.

"Miss EvilPanda!" called out one of the engineers below, turning back to his blue-lit monitor below, punching in some keys. "We're getting an incoming video call from Genocide Factory!"

"EXCELLENT! Patch it through, so that my slaves may SPEAKETH UPON ME!" EvilPanda declared, stepping up to her own enormous console. There were a ridiculous amount of microphones, knobs, buttons, sliders, but a little known fact was that she had an IQ of 10,521, so she knew how each individual thing worked. She tapped in a few complicated commands on the glowing buttons, and grinned as she saw the distinctly familiar face of her lead scientist, who also had closed-eyes and animal ears just like her boss.

"FRIITHK, MY LEAD SCIENTIST!" EvilPanda belted.

"WHAT'TH CRACKALACKIN', EMPRETTH?" the androgynous scientist roared back. Friithk's name by birth was actually Frisk, but EvilPanda had it changed to highlight Frisk's absolutely ridiculous, overwhelming lisp, because she found it amusing. Luckily, so did Friithk.

"ALL IS CRACKALACKING NOW THAT I HAVE OFFICIALLY REMOVED ALL SALTINE CRACKERS FROM THE EMPIRE!" [Andrew's note: lmao I like evilpanda] [A/N: yessss Andrew likes a character guys!]

"HAHAHAHA, IT'TH FUNNY BECAUTHE PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIKED THOTHE."

"Yes, they did…" Mii Force B muttered dramatically, furiously holding back tears.

"GIVE ME A STATUS UPDATE," EvilPanda proclaimed, slamming her hand on the top of the console, even though she probably shouldn't do that because of electronic safety. "How is the status of the GENOCIDE FACTORY after the ATTACK?"

"THINGTH ARE GOING THWIMMINGLY," Friithk declared, turning to their side to demonstrate the factory behind them. Everyone could see that the factory was a relative mess of destroyed conveyor belts, metal-pressing machines, and shattered terminals, glass and bullets and blood scattered across the floor. "THANKTH TO OUR BACKUP POWER, MOTHT OF THE DATA WE HAVE THTORED CAN BE EATHILY RECOVERED. WE'VE GOT THOME CATHUALTIETH, BUT WHO GIVETH A THIT, RIGHT?" [Andrew's Editing Note: this is a bitch and a half to read]

"NOT ME, MUAAHAHAHAHAHA, THE MORE THE MERRIER!" EvilPanda proclaimed, roaring in evil laughter for a moment before lighting up a neon "LAUGH" sign in the Headquarters, menacingly shaking her fists at everyone in the room. Everyone began to laugh, except for Puppy, who barked.

"BAD NEWTH, THOUGH," Friithk said, somehow managing to blink. [Andrew's note: why the fuck do they talk in all caps] [A/N: they're expressive!] "THOME OF OUR WALKMANTH WERE THTOLEN. NOT ALL, BUT A PRETTY DITHTINCT AMOUNT."

"Don't you mean… SUPER SECRETIVE EVIL TIME-TRAVELING PROJECT?"

"OH YEAH, WHOOPTH, MY BAD, THAT'TH WHAT I MEANT. BUT NO, THERIOUTHLY, IT WATH THE REBELTH AGAIN."

"The resistance is powerful… BUT NOT AS POWERFUL AS I AM," EvilPanda said, accidentally tripping and then standing back up with a bruise on her face. "FOR WE ARE THE BRITANNIAN EMPIRE!"

"HELL YEAH, ALL HAIL BRITANNIA, BABY!" Friithk agreed, performing a backflip and destroying their ribs on accident.

"Miss EvilPanda, we still have the… 'Secret Police' in pursuit of the, uh, resistance army," Mii Force B mentioned, pulling up a digital radar on her Hand-Gun. It was a literal handgun, she'd lost her hand in the war and had it replaced with a cannon. [Andrew's Editing Note: is it a gun or a cannon fix this Leo]

"GOOOD. It is a good thing the Britannian Secret Police has an open, public, easily-accessed Facebook group page, that way they can always inform me of their SECRET ACTIONS, AT ANY TIME! MUAHAHAAHAHAHA!"

"Yeah, I guess so… Miss EvilPanda, are you free tonight, perchance…?" Mii Force B asked reluctantly.

"YES," EvilPanda replied.

"Oh! Do you want to… go to the evil cinema?" Mii Force B asked, sheepishly fiddling with her blue, armored chestplate.

"NO."

"Oh—okay. Just, y'know, thought I'd put that out there." [A/N: she's pretty lonely] [Steven's Note: I'd totally date her! Satim probably would, too… yeah, totally!] [Andrew's note: Leo stop writing everything we say] [A/N: okay Andrew!]

[Andrew's note: damn it nevermind] [A/N: okay Andrew!]

"CONTINUE PRODUCTION ON THE DEPLETED URANIUM ARMOR, AND ON THE NON-DEPLETED URANIUM SODA, THAT WAY WE CAN KEEP POISONING THE POPULACE BEHIND THEIR BACKS! MUAHAHAHAHA!" EvilPanda declared. She sure loved being evil.

"YOU GOT IT, BOTTHH LADY! YOU WANNA THAY THOME INTHPIRING WORDTH TO THE FACTORY CREW?"

EvilPanda stroked her evil chin and then tilted the microphone back to her lips. "HOW ARE YOU, LOYAL SLAVES?"

A large group of disheveled, exhausted, enslaved factory workers appeared on the screen.

"Please free us," they almost all said in perfect unison, although EvilPanda could have sworn a couple of them said "feed us" or something.

"OKAY. YOU ARE FREE!"

A cry of enthusiasm swept through the factory workers.

"FREE TO GO BACK TO WORK!" EvilPanda slapped her hands on her knees and cackled hysterically. "GAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA, I'M SO GOOD AT MY JOB!" [Andrew's note: hahahaha lmao]

"I'll go get the inhaler," Mii Force B muttered as she witnessed EvilPanda convulsing on the floor. [Steven's note: hey I use an inhaler!]

"AND I'LL GET THE IMPALER! THEE YA LATER!" Friithk waved to all of their fellow employees at Headquarters before the video screen disconnected with a hiss.

EvilPanda continued to writhe on the floor in unstoppably villainous laughter for a good hour and a half or so until she hopped back to her feet, swiping her hair back into place. "NOW GET BACK TO WORK!" she ordered the crew, already hard at work again like they were expected to under threat of lobotomization, disintegration, and forehead-flicking, in order of pain and excruciating agony.

"Yes, Empress EvilPanda," they all muttered, already tired. [Andrew's note: boy is that relatable]

EvilPanda fetched a bone out of her jacket and threw it out the window, watching as it fell hundreds of stories down into the depths below. She also watched as Puppy stupidly ran after it, her dog reflexes taking over in spite of her human instincts. [Andrew's Editing Note: I'm pretty sure that's supposed to be backwards]

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFF!" said Puppy as she fell into the smog below.

"AGAIN?!" Mii Force B cried as she returned with EvilPanda's favorite inhaler.

EvilPanda hopped atop her console, brandishing her cutlass, and shouted at the top of her evil lungs: "NOTHING CAN STOP THE BRITANNIAN EMPIRE! NOTHIIIIIIIIINNNNNGGGG!"

And then she took her inhaler. Epically.

[…]

Unbeknownst to EvilPanda, however, this entire conversation was being tracked, by someone behind a ventilation grill nearby one of the computer banks. Her name was Mew, but she also went by Rhyth, because it was really awkward and difficult to have a name identical to a legendary Pokemon and have the police be constantly chasing you for it [A/N: it's tough to be a god] [Steven's note: Tread where mortals have not trod!]

[Andrew's Editing Note: we all sang the entire song and leo actually legitimately typed all the lyrics out so I'll just cut it there]

However, the cops also chased her for another reason altogether… she was also part of the Resistance! The teal-clad girl quickly dipped away from the small streaks of light that were shining through the ventilation panel, hugging the shadows as she saw EvilPanda's personnel return to their workstations. The shadows appreciated her hug, and she appreciated the shadows.

Mew quickly hailed the dark lord, Santana, and gave her headset a tap, searching through her fur jacket for her backup pistol in case she needed it.

"Psst… hey, heyyy, boss?" Mew whispered, loudly. "Mew slash Rhyth here, overrrr."

"Red Light here. Report. What did your reconnaissance yield?" A heavily-synthesized voice came in, and he had a super cool filter on it that made him sound dramatic and badass and just a little fabulous.

"Hopefully Qqoryu's boys can pick up the pace on the Expressway cause, like, the Empress is onto us. Did they get the goods?"

"Yes. The Vice Commander reported that he saw an enormous stockpile of Walkmans in Genocide Factory. He says he's en route."

"Aight, well tell him to go faster. The Empress has the Force on 'em." [A/N: not like the star wars force like the police although that'd be cool]

"They can handle themselves. Focus on your escape first and foremost, Rhyth and/or Mew."

"You got it, boss."

"Destroy Britannia. Out."

"Destroying Britannia, baby. Lates, gates." Mew ended the call and plucked an item thingy that would help her escape from a holster on her striped, two-tone blue-teal stockings [Andrew's Editing Note: you put more effort in describing her stockings than her equipment smh, figure out an item Leo, and remember to erase this before we publish the story]

A scientist kneeled nearby the vent. "Um, hello? Is anybody there?"

Mew panicked and crawl-sprinted back down the shaft. "I WAS NEVER HERE!" she screamed at full volume.

The scientist turned back to his comrades. "Don't worry, guys! The voice said nothing was there!"

[…]

 _Meanwhile, in a distant land, back in time, before the Bad Future ever existed..._

 **MONTEPLIER, VERMONT, AMERICA, USA, THE WORLD**

 **OCTOBER 14, 2017** [Andrew's note: shit hey that's my birthday you remembered leo]

 **MISSION STREET JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL, DURING P.E. CLASS**

Every day was a struggle for Leo, but the struggle was especially prominent during the dreaded P.E. class, which stands for Physical Education class, a class that Leo always found incredibly dull because you weren't really learning anything in P.E. besides how to get beaten up, how to get a wedgie [A/N: IM NOT PROJECTING PROMISE], and how to embarrass yourself [A/N: im actually really good at sports I just would like to make Leo seem sympathetic]. It was Friday afternoon, both the best of times and the worst of times; the weekend was on its way, he was going to do a concert in the area during the weekend because it corresponds with his name [A/N and Chapterly Question (these will be asked every chapter because I like to connect with my fans): what's your weeknd song? Leave your thoughts in the review unless it's a negative thought in which case just comment your favorite song and leave me alone]; but, unfortunately, with the weekend meant going home and not hanging out with any friends. Why? Because Leo didn't have friends; even though everyone in school liked and wanted to be Leo's friend except for Nathan and his friends because he sucks dick which means that they suck dick as well by default, Leo was a loner by nature, his four incredibly hot girlfriends notwithstanding.

When the brown, oblong product that most people commonly call a football landed in Leo's hands like a newborn baby from a stork [A/N: don't watch storks its not very good], he was paralyzed for a moment, and for one of the first times in his life, he had no idea what to do.

"LEO, MOVE!" one of his teammates shouted, strafing to the side to avoid one of his opponents.

 _Uh-oh!_

Scared, and seeing two incredibly buff-looking, sweaty, slick [Andrew's note: that's pretty gay lmao] [A/N: no its NOT] dudes with thicc shoulder pads sprint towards him like he was a throbbing dick because jocks are gay and they like dick's sporting goods [A/N: im pretty sure they buy their stuff there because they're dicks], Leo picked up the slack and began sprinting as fast as he could - which is insanely fast, by the way - towards the goal, like it was his only safe haven. He managed to skillfully avoid the jock duo, and even though they kept pumping their thicc thighs in an attempt to catch him, they were no match for Leo's incredible speed that he always had, he just doesn't know how to really utilize it yet [A/N: he's always been fast, he plays sonic]. He kept running and running and running, feeling sweat pool on his neck, and he became ecstatic as he neared the goal; finally, he would score a point for his team, and not by accident! On purpose!

He didn't even hear the screams of what he presumed were victory and triumph and adoration directed towards him by his teammates, he was so focused on his goal, which was the goal [A/N: that's a double meaning I spelt out the double meaning in case you were confused] [Andrew's note: how thoughtful of you].

 _Now!_

With a heave, he chucked the football into the goal, and watched it catch against the mesh of the net.

[Steven's note: GOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL]

[A/N: GOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL]

[Andrew's note: golllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll]

[A/N: we harmonized offscreen it was totally awesome]

"I DID IT!" Leo shouted triumphantly, pumping his fist into the air.

"Leo, you FUCKING IDIOT!" one of Leo's potential friends roared, smacking him upside the head [A/N: even though everyone wants to be Leo's friend they just don't know how to articulate it and so they do so through violence and meanness]. Leo's head swam as the pimp hand connected with his spiky hair [A/N: irl I have curly hair but spiky hair is really cool, a lot of heroes and villains have it]. Leo stumbled a little bit, recovering swiftly.

"We kept telling you to stop!" another teammate bellowed, his fingers plastered on his sweaty temples in annoyance.

Leo distinctly heard the sounds of the opposite team laughing, and the loudest laugh of all belonged to Nathan Sux [A/N: that's his full name, you can guess why, you don't need me to explain], the tallest and meanest and rudest and biggest jerkwad in the entire school, and also the bane of Leo's existence. Everybody in school hated Nathan Sux, even Nathan's squad, but everyone acted like they liked him so that he didn't beat the shit out of them. Except Leo, because he had the balls to stand up to Nathan Sux, even though Nathan punched said balls every single day [A/N: am I sterile?] [Andrew's note: oh my god how do you even know what that means].

Leo briefly glared at Nathan Sux, and then turned and raised his hands defensively in front of his team. "What? All I did was score a goal for us! Isn't that the point of this game?" he argued.

"LEO, YOU STUPID EXPIRED CONDOM!" the safety screamed.

"That was our OWN GOAL!" said another member.

"Ruh-roh," Leo said, because he likes Scooby-Doo and was also quite embarrassed. He'd screwed up before in P.E., but he'd never screwed up this badly, because most of his screw-ups were super minor and he was awesome. This was a new low. He'd probably recover from it, though, he was cool enough.

"One point for Nathan Sux's team," Coach Hossman announced, folding his beefy arms and fixing Leo with an apologetic, apprehensive, pitiful look. Hossman had always pitied Leo somewhat, because Leo had aptitude in literally everything else in life except for P.E. class.

"Hahahahahaha," Nathan Sux chortled, providing a bro-ish high five to one of his teammates, and then pumping his fist in triumph. "Looks like Leo fucked up again! Leo Gonzalez, more like… Leo… GONORRHEA!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," the enemy team all said in perfect unison, but also a little bit of guilt because they like Leo and secretly want to be his friend but don't know how to approach him.

Leo's hands quivered and balled into fists, and his shoulders began shaking. He cooked up an awesome retort. "Oh yeah? Nathan Sux, more like… NATHAN… SUCKS!"

And then there was another "ooooooooooooooooo" from everybody: Leo's team and Nathan's team AND Coach Hossman. Nathan Sux twitched and then slowly turned to Leo, strutting up to him, intimidatingly cracking his knuckles and popping his neck as he approached Leo, towering over him as he got within spitting range [A/N: I know how far that is and don't ask how].

"What did you say me to me, punk?" Nathan said, with that stupid jock voice of his, trying his best to appear all tough and stuff.

"I said… I said… L;FMASDYIGFSEIF," Leo responded [A/N: sorry Nathan makes me just wanna punch my computer, but I don't wanna take the time to edit this, I'll leave that to my editor] [Andrew: lmao help], shaking his fists at Nathan.

Nathan, shocked by Leo's incredibly threatening statement, backed away for a moment, his eyes livid with fear and apprehension, but he quickly regained himself and picked up Leo like a trash bag [A/N: I am not a trash bag Nathan is trash, it's just a metaphor], and Leo soon found his feet hovering above the floor, Nathan's fingers wrapped around his neck. If Leo were kinkier, this would be hot, but he's not, at least when it comes to Nathan [A/N: Leo's more of a sadist than a masochist, but this will never come back to bite anybody in the ass] [A/N: THAT'S FORESHADOWING].

"Try sayin' that to me again," Nathan said, squeezing his hand tighter. Leo struggled to breathe.

"I… I said…" Leo rasped, his arms feebly flailing about like a bowl of spaghetti [A/N: I wasn't sure what to put there so…].

"Hey, hey, boys, break it up, break it up," Hossman attempted to mediate, stepping up and trying to free Leo from Nathan's grasp.

"I'll break HIM up," Nathan said like it was the cleverest thing that had ever popped into his noodle brain, smacking the Coach to the side, which caused everybody to utter another mass "oooooo" because for some reason this is what crowds do.

"You don't disrespect the teacher like that," Leo choked out, because he was a mentally sound and morally good human being unlike Nathan, who is the human equivalent to garbage [Steven's note: haha siiiiick!] [Andrew's note: sheesh dude, seems harsh] [A/N: HE'S HARSH].

"Tell me I'm your daddy," Nathan screamed [Steven's note: THAT WAS MY ADDITION HAHA satim rules] [Andrew's note: who?].

"Never!" Leo wailed back, attempting to kick Nathan in his everywhere before the air completely left his system. Nathan then began to take Leo's left arm and begin repeatedly smacking him in the face with it.

"Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself," Nathan repeated ad nauseum [A/N: I know a little latin], and even through the pain of Leo's own yaoi hands [A/N: I don't read yaoi but I know the hands are long and strong] smacking against his caramel skin, he managed to choke out:

"Stop being STUPID!"

Which caused an enormous riot of OOOOOOOOOOOOOO's from literally everybody in the school, even the Coach Hossman; if you've ever seen either the WOMBO COMBO video or the SUPA HOT FIRE RAP BATTLE video, that's a good idea of how chaotic the OOOOOOOO's got, it was truly tumultuous [A/N: thank you so much you're my hero] and it just made Nathan start breaking down and steaming at the seams like a volcano, or an angry person in a cartoon.

Nathan reared his fist back, preparing to blow Leo's skull into the next hundred years. Leo closed his eyes and prepared himself for the impact, at least content he'd gone out like a trooper: roasting Nathan.

"STOP!" a beautiful voice announced from the background, the distinct sound of a 90's R'n'B ballad emerging from behind her as she walked towards the two feuding boys in slow-motion, anime bubbles and colors appearing all around her as her hair flowed behind her.

 _Vanessa…!_

[A/N: vanessa, if you're reading this, this is where you come in!]

Both of Nathan's and Leo's hearts skipped a beat at the sight of her. Leo's jaw dropped cartoonishly to the floor [A/N: this has happened B4], and Nathan picked it up for him because every once in a while Nathan will throw him a bone when in Vanessa's orbit. That was her name: Vanessa. She, like Leo, had beautiful cocoa skin, but that was where the similarities ended, because she had mid-length scarlet hair, great thighs, and pretty good breasts, although that's not the most important about a woman; what truly matters is her personality. But luckily, her personality was like her breasts: pretty good, and very inviting [Andrew's note: most amazing analogy about tits I've ever heard] [Steven's note: I CAN MAKE A CALCULATOR SAY BOOBIES]. Her emerald green eyes looked up at the two of them, pleadingly.

"O-oh, h-hi Vanessa," Nathan stammered, dropping Leo like a sack of potatoes and immediately folding his hands behind his back innocently. "I-I, uh, w-was j-just b-being an a-a-asshole." [Andrew's note: BAHAHAHAHA]

"What were the two of you doing?" Vanessa asked, demurely, her voice like an angelic soprano [A/N: I don't discriminate against altos though they're cool, same for mezzos], fiddling with the ruffles on her nice green top. She looked really cute today, although she did every day, in Leo's opinion.

"Um… n-nothing, I was j-just… s-s-s-stuttering, and a-also being g-good friends with Leo because w-w-we're b-bros," Nathan managed, quickly wrapping an arm around Leo's shoulder and pulling him in, giving him a seemingly affectionate noogie that actually hurt Leo [A/N: it still hurts…].

"No he wasn't!" Leo protested, puffing out his chest and detaching himself from Nathan, secretly eyeing Vanessa as he did, though not in a perverted way unlike Nathan. "He was being a huge jerk like always!"

Vanessa sighed exasperatedly, clutching her textbooks [A/N: because she's smart and cute] to her chest and looking at Leo sympathetically. "Are you okay, Leo?"

Leo felt his heart swell, and he responded: "Annie, I'm okay." He turned away from her to hide his blush, _baka_ [A/N: that means idiot in japanese].

"Sooooooooo, Vanessa," Nathan said, sliding up to her and wrapping an arm around her waist. She recoiled to that gesture because it's Nathan Sux, who wouldn't? "Since you're in the gym for some inexplicable reason, and it's almost the end of school… you wanna, y'know, go catch a movie?" [A/N: I'm pretty sure he really means touch my penis because Nathan sucks]

"Oh, um… well, what movie?" Vanessa responded, toying with a strand of her crimson hair.

"Oh, y'know, juuuust, like, whatever strikes our fancy," Nathan said, pulling out a monocle [A/N: shit I should have thought of that I'll try that out next time] [Andrew's note: I'll let you borrow some of mine].

Vanessa nodded and muttered out a shy "okay", and then smiled at Leo apologetically. Leo then spun around in a circle and fainted immediately.

 _She smiled at me!_ He thought to himself as he passed out, in love. Leo actually genuinely passed out, collapsing to the cool floor below with a light thump. He slept a dreamless sleep, having dreams about Vanessa, and also about being a kickass hero – and maybe a villain – as he snored the minutes away.

Leo woke up a few minutes later, thanks to the efforts of Hossman, who was pouring a bucket of water over Leo's face. Leo sputtered and quickly hopped to his feet like a ninja, because his reflexes were awesome [A/N: I've seen kung fu movies, I have experience in this].

"Show yourself!" Leo said, in an overbearing Japanese accent that was nevertheless really impressive, especially for an American-Mexican kid like him.

"Class just ended, Leo," Hossman said, folding his arms and letting out a laugh. "You really ought to head out and hang out with your hundreds of friends before your next class." [A/N: he didn't mean that sarcastically, he actually genuinely believes Leo has a bunch of friends]

"Okay," Leo muttered sadly, because he had no friends, his awesome friends and four girlfriends notwithstanding. He waved goodbye to the Coach and walked out the doors of the gym, pulling out his Gameboy Advance from the confines of his backpack to happily begin playing Sonic Advance 2, his favorite handheld game [A/N: I haven't played sonic advance 1 yet but I got some more allowance so today might be the day].

Leo walked through the clean, crowded hallways of Mission Street Junior High School, running through the awesome spiraling loop-de-loops of Leaf Forest the entire way down. On his videogame, of course, the school had unfortunately discontinued its loop-de-loop program because nobody else besides Leo and occasionally Vanessa could run through those loops without falling off. [Steven's note: Satim could totally do it…] [Andrew's note: seriously who] [Steven's note: IT'S A SECRET TRUST ME IT'S GONNA BE GOOD] As Leo trudged down the marble hallways, a lot of students turned to him and began to say things that Leo knew would haunt him for the rest of his life.

"Hi, Leo! Looking awesome today, as per usual!"

"Is that Sonic Advance 2? Dude, I looove Sonic Advance 2, you're so cool."

"Keep on being totally awesome, Leo!"

"You're gonna be totally successful in absolutely everything you do, Leo!"

"Look at my panda hat, yooooo! Look at my fucking panda haaaatt!" [A/N: that's actually something I heard the other day, true story] [Steven's note: he actually had a panda hat!]

"I WENT TO COLLEGE!"

Leo sighed to himself, glancing down at his game in a melancholy fashion. He wondered why he had to be born so awesome, born so likable. Surely it had to be a blessing… but all it felt like was a curse.

 _I was meant to live for so much more…_

After reluctantly giving a bunch of high-fives to his friends in Gaming Club and Creative Writing Club, he made his way towards his final class for the day, History class, with Ms. Bond [A/N: not related to james bond, unfortunately; I have asked her, although I might make her James Bond if the reviewers like this]. Everybody waved at Leo in unison because they were really delighted to be in his presence again, even Jason the blonde linebacker; he only shot spitballs at Leo because contained within the drool-ridden pieces of paper were messages of friendships Jason was just too shy to share on his own.

"Good afternoon, everybody! And Leo, our favorite student," Ms. Bond chirped, her curls bouncing as she smiled at Leo.

Leo smiled sheepishly and shrugged it off, being the humble boy he was. "Just trying my best!" [Andrew's note: don't you have like a B Minus in History]

There was a TV placed on a portable stand in the corner, and Leo could see the two distinct, commonplace news anchors of FOX News, Fox McCloud and Yellow Kirby, sitting at their usual brown desk, a stack of papers and two microphones in front of them.

[Andrew's note: WHY FUCKING YELLOW KIRBY]

[A/N: IT'S MY FAVORITE KIRBY SKIN]

[Steven's note: I LIKE THE META KNIGHT KIRBY]

[A/N: but that's evil looking and Kirby's a good guy]

"Thiiis just in on FOX News, where we tell you the truth, and ONLY the truth! We are absolutely not lying about that," Fox proclaimed in his nasally voice, adjusting his white turtleneck. "Rumor has it that tensions between the American Government and the Communists are NOT AT ALL rising up IN THE SLIGHTEST. Vietnam 3 is MOST DEFINITELY not something that's going to come up in the future, or my name isn't Edgar Goodman!"

Leo still vividly remembered Vietnam 2, the second Vietnam War that the Toads of the Mushroom Kingdom started against the Americans, wanting revenge against them for... something. [A/N: foreshadowing]

 _I wonder how Princess Peach, one of my four harem mates and beautiful girlfriends, is doing…_

"This ISN'T just in," announced Yellow Kirby, turning his plump, thicc [Steven's note: yesss] body towards the frame. "Word has it that the Teals' latest lobbying efforts are actually going to be INCREDIBLY SUCCESSFUL, and that racial segregation against the Teals is TOTALLY GOING TO STOP, given how much ABUNDANT SUPPORT Congress has been giving the Teals, especially their MORALLY-GROUNDED leader, Mr. Game & Watch, in the last couple of years."

Leo still vividly remembered some of his former Teal classmates; although Leo accepted them for who they were because his parents had raised him right and he wasn't a racist loser [Andrew's note: preach], he still remembered all of the whispers and rumors about the Teal students echoing through the halls. It had gotten so bad that those Teal kids were forced to relocate to a different school because of it.

"We assure you, we are NOT LYING about ANYTHING; we simply like to ACCENTUATE th S," said Fox, smacking his hands on the desk for emphasis.

"We are HONEST TRUTHERS, everyone, that's our job THAT WE'RE PAID FOR here at FOX NEWS," Yellow Kirby interjected, sucking up the stack of papers in front of him, because that's just what a Kirby does.

A female classmate of Leo's sighed dreamily. "I'd believe anything they tell me…" [Andrew's note: hahahahahaha]

Ms. Bond rose from her desk and walked over to turn off the television. While she did that, Leo distracted himself by pulling out his aged, worn-down blue notebook and flipping open to his favorite page: the page on the very back. He always liked to look at the drawings he'd had scribbled across there in case he ever felt down on himself. But these were no ordinary drawings… they were drawings of Leo. But these were no drawings of any ordinary Leo, either. They were pictures of what Leo considered to be his absolute perfect self.

He sighed, lost in thought as he gazed upon the image on the frontmost page, a picture of Leo in gallant, heroic attire, with "GOOD LEO" hastily scribbled at the top of the page.

 _Look at how cool he looks… blue coat with a black cape, gold trim lining, dark red vest, a cool-looking white neckpiece thingy, comfortable-looking but still totally radical black slacks, awesome pointy black boots, windswept brown hair, even a couple of my freckles here and there… what I wouldn't do to be that Leo. He's the perfect Leo…_

A thought crossed Leo's mind for a moment, and he checked to see if his teacher, or if anybody nearby, was watching him closely. Even though everyone loved him, they didn't seem to be snooping on him. Secretly, carefully, he viciously flung the page aside, revealing… the sketch on the back page. Another drawing of Leo… but this time…

The text on top read: "Evil Leo". This was… the Evil Leo.

And for a moment, Leo's thoughts turned dark. He began to… admire this dark being.

 _Look at how cool he looks… blue coat with a black cape, gold trim lining, dark red vest, a cool-looking white neckpiece thingy, comfortable-looking but still totally radical black slacks, awesome pointy black boots, windswept brown hair, even a couple of my freckles here and there… what I wouldn't do to be that Leo. He's the perfect Leo…_ [Andrew's note: wtffff] [Steven's note: DUDE THAT'S SO EVIL AND COOL]

He began to daydream about being this wickedly demonic man, about how awesome it would be to watch the world perish beneath your fingertips-

Leo snapped back to reality. _Mom's spaghetti-!_ He nervously looked around to see if anyone was watching him, but they all seem pretty absorbed and interested in the lesson that Ms. Bond was giving on the whiteboard.

He sweated and turned back to his notebook, pretending to take some more notes, occasionally nervously eyeballing pictures of… Dark Leo. He knew he shouldn't be looking at that Leo, let alone even drawing pictures of him, but… he just looked so… cool. But he was evil! But he was also… cool… [Andrew's note: damn whatta conflict] [A/N: I know it's super dramatic]

 _I shouldn't be thinking this… it's just wrong…_

These thoughts kept Leo nervous all throughout class until it was finally time to go, the bell ringing out over the overhead system like a beautiful angelic choir. Leo let out a thankful gasp and dumped his notebook back into his backpack, slinging it back over his shoulders as he rose from his chair to leave, but not before waving goodbye to everybody in his class individually because he was a super nice guy.

Leo walked out into the hallways, and dutifully trudged along down the staircase and past the main doors until he reached the courtyard outside. He saw Vanessa out of the corner of his eye; she was talking to a bunch of her friends underneath a big tree in the grassy part of the courtyard, because Vanessa was pretty and really popular and loved by everybody, probably loved on the same level of love and adoration that Leo received every day. Her beautiful red hair and cool green dress were flowing gently in the wind, and the sun was hitting her back just right [A/N: not in a bad way though, harmlessly], which made her and her green eyes glow in all the right ways. [Andrew's Editing Note: note to self actually, remember Leo's faces when he writes about Vanessa, they're hilarious and kind of adorable]

Leo walked past Vanessa and her group, sticking to the end of the sidewalk, keeping his head down so she wouldn't see his blush and intently listening in on the conversation [A/N: I'm a good listener].

"…and, like, I've just have never seen anyone have to make such an urgent exit to cook cauliflower, ya know?" said one of her taller friends, with bright blonde hair, freckles, and a hoodie around her waist.

"Sometimes you just have an urge to splurge!" said another, one with hair, eyes, a nose, arms, and legs. [Steven's note: pfthahaha] [A/N: wasn't sure what to put there sorry!] She was holding a big pink purse. [Andrew's note: there, that's at least something we can go off of]

"I know how you feel!" said yet another one, a girl with a huge afro and really cool-looking street clothes. "Like, aight, fuckin', my mom, right?"

"Which one?" Vanessa asked, shyly, her voice like ice cream to Leo's Cold Stone ears.

"The bitch in spandex?"

"Oh, right, right."

"I was just CRAAVING a grilled cheese, homie, and then I got it, but she cut em into TRIANGLES, and not rectangles! Like who the FUCK does that?" [Steven's note: I WASN'T EVEN AWARE THOSE EXIST]

"Whoaaaa, that's rough," said the blonde friend.

"Chyeah, I know," said Afro girl. "I wanna run away from home now, god damn."

Leo didn't really know their names, so he decided to name them like he named characters in his epic, upcoming great American novel [A/N: wink wink]. _Okay… the blonde one is Keya. The one with the afro is… Tex! And the one with the purse is… Carly Rae Jepsen!_

[Andrew's note: .,ljigahahhaha if this story was a comedy it wouldn't be half-bad]

[A/N: but it's not, it's an epic adventure tragedy! I think]

Leo had forgotten that he'd been staring at the group really intently for the last couple of minutes. Tex noticed Leo first, and then averted her gaze, giggling to herself. Keya and Carly Rae Jepsen quickly caught on afterwards, and lifted their notebooks up towards their mouth to also laugh and blush and things that girls probably do. Vanessa blinked, looked at her squad, and then looked at Leo.

Leo's heart began to race as he and Vanessa gazed at each other… once again. Leo felt the world slow down. It felt like time had slowed down… figuratively, Leo hoped, because he still hadn't quite gotten the hang of his awesome time and space powers. [A/N: he will soon!]

"Homeboy's eyeballin' youuuu," Tex whispered to Vanessa, her fellow black friend.

"I think he really, really, really, really likes you," Carly Rae Jepsen chimed in.

"Whisper whisper whisper," screamed Keya.

Leo suddenly got very nervous and anxious, and he shot his arm up in a kind of wave that accidentally looked like a salute, and then SPRINTED AWAY from the courtyard with a zoom like Sonic the Hedgehog.

"…Anyway, um, back to the spandex and the cauliflower?" Vanessa mustered, tucking a stray red hair behind her ear and turning back to her friends.

Near the bus stop, Leo slowed down and flung himself against a wall, accidentally destroying it with his incredible strength. He was breathless, but not because he'd done a lot of running [A/N: he's used to that], but because he was in love!

 _I… I almost talked to her again! And she almost talked to me again! And Nathan didn't ruin things like the sucky dork he is!_

This was a pretty good day in Leo's book. Time to head home. He thought about briefly taking the bus but decided against it, preferring to walk instead. He knew he didn't need the exercise, he was already pretty muscular and buff [Andrew's note: Leo struggled to open a can of Pringles the other day], he just liked to walk and explore the scenery… and have more time to himself to play Sonic Advance 2! He opened his Gameboy Advance back up and began playing once more.

He began walking down a nearby suburban road, walking past the many green trees and green hills and emerald hills and casino parks [A/N: I don't know why there's a casino park here but it's fun even though I can't gamble] [Andrew's note: hey how can tails can gamble even though he's like 8?] and all other kinds of winding sidewalks and other suburban things. He saw a few kids here and there riding their bikes and then crashing into streetlights and breaking their bones, happily laughing all the while; he saw a few dogs pass by [A/N: DOG!] [Andrew's note: DOG] [Steven's note: DOOGGG] and he made sure to pet each and every one because Leo loves dogs unlike Nathan Sux who probably doesn't appreciate dogs [A/N: vanessa probably likes dogs; should I bring a puppy to school to impress her? Leave your advice for me in the review] [Andrew's note: totally dude do it]. He kept walking, absorbing himself into the world of Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Cream and Amy until he finally arrived at his doorstep. What a long day of being amazing and awesome.

He knocked on the door a few times, toting his backpack and waiting for someone to answer. He heard a few muffled barks and woofs and also Megalovania from Undertale: The Video Game from behind the door, and a voice saying "Hold on, I'll be right there". Five hours later [A/N: I think I meant to say seconds but that's a job for Andrew to fix, my editor and best friend] [Andrew's note: jinx not changing that], the door swung open, revealing a beautiful, tall, sexy, moss-haired woman with seafoam eyes, boobs [A/N: regular boobs, not seafoam-colored boobs], and a long white dress accompanied by long, white wings and a couple doves on her shoulder. The doves were called Bebub and Spike.

"Hello, sweetheart," the woman smiled, stroking Bebub and feeding it one of her former doves, Yolko.

"AW, YOLK!" screamed Yolko as she was devoured by Bebub.

"I am a good bub, and a good boy," proclaimed Bebub as he finished off Yolko's remains with a burp.

"I'm the universe's best Ottoman," said Spike, who felt like he hadn't contributed much to the conversation. [Andrew's note: holy shit the first death in The Legend of Leo, I just noticed that upon editing]

"Hi, Palutena—I mean, um, Mom," Leo said, not quite used to calling his stepmom Mom, instead of her given name. He had a bit of a crush on her [A/N: this isn't bad because it's just a stepmom okay, his real crush is Vanessa, and his four girlfriends, don't get any ideas]. She gently guided him in, violently slamming the door behind him as he walked into the living room, immediately approached by his two pet Golden Retriever dogs, Leo Jr. and Leo 2, and a third dog that happened to be his brother: Toby Fox, who was happily slamming his paws to the tune of Megalovania on a grand piano [A/N: we'll explain why his brother is a dog in future chapters].

"So THAT'S where Undertale music was coming from," Leo smiled cheekily, petting both of his Golden Retrievers and Palutena as well [A/N: he has yaoi hands I swear]. Toby Fox laughed in dog and kept playing Megalovania, but this time in a different key. His flexibility was really impressive.

"How was your day at school, sweetie?" Palutena questioned, trying to ignore the obvious bruises on Leo's neck and on his everywhere else.

"Oh, it was okay," Leo muttered, shrugging his shoulders. "I got beaten up, but I totally showed Nathan what-for! Because he deserves it."

"Oh, sweetheart," Palutena cooed, shaking her head. "We both know you're a strong and incredibly talented and flexible and fast boy and awesome and witty and… whoops, lost track of myself there, went on a bit of a tangent," she laughed, a bit of a blush on her face. "I just don't understand why he doesn't see how amazing of a young man you are."

"Me neither, I'm an awesome person! But every time I try to show how much of a great guy I am, this happens," Leo began smacking himself in the face repeatedly for dramatic effect, giving himself a black eye because he doesn't know how to control his incredible strength yet. Palutena gently ran a cool cloth over his bruises, instantly healing them because she's God.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA," Leo screamed in gratitude. "Thanks Palu—Mom."

"Of course, sweetie. Did you talk to Vanessa today?"

Leo blushed in embarrassment, looking away from his literally godly stepmom. "W-well, um… yeah, totally! I'm totally almost close to having an actual full conversation with her!"

"That's wonderful to hear, dearest," Palutena chimed, stroking Bebub the Dove. "Even if she is a sub-human race that doesn't deserve to exist. What?"

"What?" [A/N: I DON'T ACTUALLY THINK THAT IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENTAL SLIP ON HER PART IM SURE]

"Nothing, sweetie, I'm just sooo tired. But that's good! You've definitely moved on from merely making random noises and not making any audible connection of any kind. But in an adorable way!"

"Haha, yeah, totally. Hey, Palute—erm, Mom, when is Dad coming home?"

Leo got his answer when he heard the garage door open. He quickly turned on his heel and walked through the kitchen and towards the laundry room; he opened the door, and was quickly greeted by the familiar feeling of a fire hydrant being flung into his skull. [Andrew's note: holy shit]

"Son, honey, I'm HOME!" announced the thrower of the fire-hydrant.

"Hi, Pac-Man! I mean, Dad, whoops," Leo quickly corrected himself, peeling the fire hydrant off his face. [Andrew's note: like a sticker?]

"Hahaha, that's quite alright, son, we all make mistakes. Well, except for you," Pac-Man quickly corrected himself, giving Leo a fatherly, appreciative hug.

"How was work, sweetie?" Palutena cooed, sketching out schematics for what Leo could have sworn was a cannon of death… or maybe it was more artwork for the living room wall, Leo wasn't entirely sure, the angle was weird.

"Incredibly fulfilling, darling wife," Pac-Man said, taking his red tie off of his circular, pizza-esque body, putting his hands on what were probably his hips. "Committing honest-to-god ghost murder every single day always brings a smile to my face! But you know what else does?"

"What, darling?" Palutena began dusting Yolko's discarded feathers off the table.

"Playing a game of catch with my amazingly talented human son!"

Leo jumped in joy. "I HOPE THAT'S ME!"

"It is, my son!" Pac-Man said, laughing and clapping Leo on the back.

"You're the best, dad!"

"IIIII'm PAC-MAN!" Pac-Man declared, re-introducing himself and striking a cool pose with an awesome-looking thumbs up. "I have a job working for the government!"

Pac-Man and Leo proceeded to have the most exciting and epic game of catch of all time.

"Whoa, that was exciting and epic," Leo said, out-of-breath as we walked back inside, expertly tossing a baseball up and down in his hand.

"It sure was!" Pac-Man said, planting himself down in one of the living room recliners and flicking on the television to view his favorite soap opera. Soap: A Rock Opera. [Andrew's note: I would fucking watch that so hard] [A/N: me too!] [Steven's note: ME THREE I LIKE BEING INCLUDED]

Palutena smiled and walked over to Leo, giving his head a pat and gently taking the ball from his hands. "Now go ahead and run upstairs and play with your friends, Momma's gonna make a seven-course dinner just for you because you're my baby boy, and also because your biological Mom and biological Dad were pieces of shit that abandoned this family."

[A/N: I LOVE MY MOM THIS IS JUST TO ADD TENSION OKAY I LOVE HER A LOT BUT NOT IN THE WAY THAT LEO HAS A CRUSH ON PALUTENA I LOVE MY MOM UNCONDITONALLY AND FAMILIALLY BUT NOT IN THAT WAY OKAY, TRUST ME PLEASE]

[Andrew's Note: jesus Christ Leo, are you okay?]

"Okay," Leo said, depressed. [Andrew's note: maybe not]

Leo melancholically walked up the stairs, playing a wicked electric guitar solo on his red F-50 ESP-LTD [A/N: this is the guitar my mom has, irl Mom not Palutena] as he walked up the staircase, and the solo was the one from Live and Learn! Leo loved Sonic, it was one of his only lights in his otherwise very dark world.

 _I'm hanging on the edge of tomorrow, aren't I…?_

He entered his vaguely cluttered room, closing the door behind him with a gentle explosion. His room was full of posters from all kinds of video games he loved, including Sonic, Legend of Zelda, Pokemon, Sonic, Smash Bros, Sonic, Advance Wars [A/N: I like kind of obscure games], Sonic, Sonic, Sonic, Undertale (his brother Toby generously made that for him), Homestuck: The Game That Will Never Be Released [Andrew's note: hiveswap was released this year dude] [A/N: you guys like that game? I know this is two Chapterly Questions but it's the prologue we can make an exception, I wanna get to know you guys so when my mom asks why I don't have any friends over I can say that I do], and also Sonic. He had numerous game systems aligning the various desks in his room because Palutena and Pac-Man were loaded, DankMoney420KushWeed. Some of these systems included a modified Nintendo Wii, a Playstation 2, a SEGA Dreamcast, numerous handheld systems including a SEGA Game Gear because of his affinity for SEGA and Sonic, an Xbox, but most of all, a PC. This was his Operations Center, and little did Leo know, it would become the room in which he would rule the world [A/N: you'll see how later].

Leo sat down in front of his SEGA Dreamcast and put in a copy of Sonic Adventure 2, not the Gamecube copy because that's Sonic Adventure 2 Battle, and that's different from Sonic Adventure 2. He took the beige Dreamcast controller into his hands and rubbed it, sensually [Andrew's Editing Note: haha what the hell leo, I think he meant a different word here but uhhh imma keep that in], and relaxed back into his red bean bag chair as he heard the lush opening notes of the Dreamcast starting system, as well as the annoying scratchy sounds it makes while running. Harmony and discord, good and evil, all in one. It was like a metaphor, probably [A/N: it totally is].

Toby wandered into the room. "Bark bark!"

"I know, Toby," Leo muttered, glumly playing the Dark Side story because he liked that one a little bit more than the Hero story even though Sonic was his favorite character. "Some days I wish I was as cool as my OC as well." He stroked a picture of his OC, Leo the Hedgehog, upon saying this.

"Bark woof bark."

"I know I should probably talk to my four sexy girlfriends and harem mates, but they're like, y'know… I don't know, Toby. When do you think Vanessa will notice me?" [A/N: it occurred me to Vanessa did notice him earlier but we can just say that Leo is depressed right now, not thinking straight… although he kind of is, technically]

"Arooooooooo," Toby said, pulling out a keyboard and trying to make a new song, but he only managed to somehow make Megalovania again. "Fuck!" [A/N: he's occasionally capable of English because his father was-] [Andrew's Editing Note: aaand cutting that out, spoilers, Leo]

"I try my hardest, Toby," Leo said, getting all A-Ranks on the insanely difficult Radical Highway as he said so. "But I just feel like every time there's something… there with Vanessa, Nathan gets his stupid, beefy, steamy, muscular, bulging, throbbing, pulsating… um… STUPID body in the way and calls me a dork too."

"Bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark," Toby said.

"I love you too, Toby. Let's order a pizza, Toby!" Leo said. "Can we get it in the shape of a Sonic?"

"Woof."

"I know, I know, Papa John's discontinued that, even though it should still be popular." [A/N: I'm gonna start a petition to make Papa John's have a sonic pizza would you guys sign it leave your thoughts in the review unless you're Nathan]

Leo reached over to grab his awesome iPhone and started dialing in the number to his local Papa John's. He heard the phone dial, and was about to place his order when Toby suddenly got up and started sniffing around the room, pacing back and forth in a circle.

"What's up, boy? I mean, bro? Did Timmy get his penis stuck in a well again?"

"Bark… bark…" [Andrew's Note: that's dog for "I am an interesting character with depth"] [A/N: I didn't know that, whoa!]

"You're sensing a presence?" Leo got up, suddenly alarmed. He turned off his SEGA Dreamcast, making sure to SAVE before he did that because he's incredibly intelligent, and then got up, his eyes following Toby's nose. He set his iPhone on the nightstand.

"Woof…"

"Did they find the drugs?"

"Bark. Bark bark."

"Did they find the weed?"

"Baaaark, woof."

"Did they find my love letters?" [A/N: the ones that may or may not exist]

"BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK"

"I don't understand you when you're like that, Toby!" Leo protested. Suddenly, an ENORMOUS PORTAL appeared in the middle of the room. It was huge and cyan and humming with magical energy. Leo and Toby jumped in surprise, fell on their asses, and then got up to stare in awe at the enormous slit—I mean, portal, in the middle of the room, hovering in mid-air.

"Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa," Toby said. "Ahem… Wooooooooooooof."

"Holy crap it's just like one of my fanfictions," Leo whispered in awe, stepping up to gently stroke the portal. All of a sudden, an EXTREMELY FAST FIGURE APPEARED out of the portal, buzzing around in the room in a ball shape, like a Blue Blur It reminded Leo of Sonic's Spin Dash—

 _Wait a minute!_

"IT CAN'T BE!" Leo shouted, his heart swelling with anticipation and joy.

"No, it's C," Toby said. "I mean WOOF!"

Sure enough, it was sure was. It was SONIC! The world's fastest hedgehog stood triumphantly in front of the portal, striking a cool pose because that's how Sonic rolls except he when he's rolling like a spin dash.

"I'm Sonic! Sonic the Hedgehog!" Sonic boasted, eating a slice of toast [A/N: I'm pretty hungry I'm gonna go grab a sandwich real quick] [Andrew's note: he actually left to go get one] [A/N: I'm back baby].

"HOLY FUCK—I MEAN, GEE WILLICKERS," Leo screamed at the bottom of his voice, because he wasn't allowed to curse or shout in the house because of Rage Quitting. He began hopping up and down in pure glee. "It's you! It's-it's, it's a dream come true! You're real!"

"Haha, I'm not real, I'm just a figment of your lonely imagination!" Sonic said enthusiastically.

"WhAtT?" Leo said in crytype.

"Nahhhh, I'm just pulling your pancreas, it's really me! I'm Sonic the Hedgehog!" To demonstrate his affection, Sonic grabbed Leo and threw him against the wall, hard [A/N: people usually fight in this universe to demonstrate their affection and / or hate for somebody, it's complicated] and then proceeded to punch him in the jaw.

"I'm so honored!" Leo said as he felt his everything break but then just as quickly unbreak because Leo is invincible [A/N: he can die he just hasn't yet] [A/N: I'm not saying he's gonna die though]. He fell off the wall and crouched to his knees, and then his jaw dropped to the floor once again. Toby helpfully picked it up for him. "Thanks, bro. Anyways… WHOA! You're Sonic!"

"YUP! I just said that! How're you doin', Leo?"

"Oh, I'm feeling terrific because you're Sonic," Leo muttered to himself, quickly showing off all of his Sonic games and merchandise to the famed blue hedgehog, including his Sonic the Hedgehog posters, games, toys, blanket, McDonald's toys, the guitar that he could play awesomely, which we established already, plushies, golden 30-foot statue from Casinopolis in Sonic Adventure 1, shirts, Macy's Day Parade balloon, and shoes, but he opted to leave out his Sonic underwear because that would be awkward [A/N: he doesn't wear it because he's gay he just wears it because he likes Sonic]. "I have all your stuff! I'm a huge fan!"

"Yeah, I can see that!" Sonic said, clawing his eyes out, but Leo stopped him because he cares about Sonic's health and well-being.

"What brings you here?" Leo asked, punching Sonic in the face.

"I came to give you a warning!" Sonic responded, kneeing Leo in the gut.

"Whoa, a warning?" Leo said in surprise, uppercutting Sonic. "I get warnings from Nathan all the time!"

Sonic suddenly grabbed Leo by the collar [A/N: when characters grab other characters, that means it's serious business] and looked into his eyes with the most serious, austere look that Leo had ever seen Sonic muster even though he'd just formally met him two minutes. "What I'm about to tell you, Leo, is going to blow your ovaries." [A/N: am I using that term right?] [Andrew's note: yuuup] [Steven's note: WHAT'S AN OVARIE]

Leo opened his mouth to say something, but quickly clamped it shut, sensing Sonic's seriousness.

"There is a prophecy," Sonic began.

"Am I relevant in this prophecy?" Leo asked.

"Yes. Very," Sonic said, lightning striking outside at that exact moment. "You see, Leo, you are exceptionally powerful. You have incredible strength, perception, endurance, intelligence, charisma, agility, and especially luck, but you simply haven't realized it yet."

 _No way…_

"Oh my god, really?" Leo asked. Sonic put his hand against Leo's heart, touching him like he'd wanted to be touched for so long [A/N: NOT IN A GAY WAY], and suddenly a golden symbol appeared above Leo's heart, or the skin covering Leo's heart anyway. "Whoa, what's that?"

"It's the Sigil of Leo. You are the only person in the world that has this symbol." [Andrew's note: that's a nice word, sigil]

"Wow, it's a good thing my biological mom named me Leo instead of Charlemagne like she'd intended before my biological father smacked her upside the head and saying that was a stupid name."

"Indeed… because, Leo, in a short amount of time, you will become the most powerful person in the multiverse!"

Leo made an : O face. [Andrew's Editing Note: this hurts my eyes]

"How short is a short amount of time?"

"Yes," Sonic responded noncommittally. "But you see, the Sigil of Leo is not a symbol of goodness and purity… for now. It is a symbol of… hatred. And power. And greed. And lust. And envy. And ambition. And the other deadly sins."

"Not the other deadly sins!" Leo said, putting a hand to his mouth in horror as Sonic casually punched him in the kidneys.

"Yes, the other deadly sins," Sonic muttered, clenching his fist and shaking it. "You will evolve from your current Leo state. You will become—"

"OH GOD I KNEW IT!"

"…DARK LEO!"

Lightning struck once more outside the room, and Leo felt his stomach drop, and felt the demons that had been growing him for years grow a little bit more. He'd always known there was a dark side to him, but he never knew that it would become this… cool. Leo smacked himself in the head; how dare he think this is cool? Cool is not evil; cool is being fast and being on the side of good. That's what's cool!

"Dark… Leo?" Leo responded, his voice quivering.

"Yes, Dark Leo," Sonic repeated, lightning striking once more.

"Dark Leo…"

"Dark Leo. A malice unlike any other, yo. His sheer evil is what will make him the most powerful person in the multiverse…"

 _Cool… I mean, er, Not cool…!_

"UNLESS," Sonic screamed, pointing an oversized finger at Leo's face and then affectionately flicking his nose because they're buddies. "Unless we find a way to turn your negative energy… into positive energy."

"WHOA it's just like in Sonic Adventure 1 when you absorbed all of the positive energy of the Chaos Emeralds and then Perfect Chaos absorbed the negative energy, so basically what you're saying is OPEN MY HEART AND I WILL SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE," Leo hit the high A note perfectly, causing everyone in the world to clap [A/N: I've been thinking of taking singing lessons so I can be like my favorite singer, Crush 40] [Andrew's note: yes that is a singer].

"Yes, that is precisely what it's like except not really," Sonic said seriously, seriously striking a serious pose.

"Bark," Toby said, striking a dog pose.

"So how can I prevent myself from becoming Dark Leo?" Leo asked, striking an awesome pose.

"I need to train you," Sonic said, with determination in his voice [A/N: it's like determination from Undertale but not liquid]. "You see, Leo, there are two futures. The Good Future… and the Future Future, but we call it the Bad Future because BAD THINGS HAPPEN, and also Future Future or Future2 is harder to say than just Bad Future. Plus, it kind of lets people know in the past what they're getting into."

"WHOA IT'S LIKE IN SONIC CD WHEN THERE WAS A GOOD FUTURE AND A BAD FUTURE!" [A/N: I'm so clever and I love references]

"Precisely! You're so intelligent, Leo."

Leo was proud. Being good felt awesome!

 _Or is it?_ His inner demon taunted him.

 _Shut it!_ He responded epically, to his evil demons.

"Just how bad is the Bad Future?" Leo asked.

"It's baaaaad," Sonic said. "Most baddest of all is the ruler of that timeline… the evil EvilPanda!"

"WHOA!" Leo said, wondering if she was cute. "Will we ever see her?"

"Probably not until a later chapter," Sonic muttered to himself, pulling out his exposition [A/N: am I using this word right] [Andrew's note: sure] notepad. "Maybe only in brief scenes."

"That seems like legit foreshadowing!"

"YEAH BOY!"

"THIS IS SONIC CD!"

"Yes it is," Sonic said, breaking Leo's arm as a sign of gratitude.

"That makes complete sense! Okay, so, what makes the good future the good future?"

"If you don't become Dark Leo… that's the only way to ensure the Good Future remains the good future," Sonic muttered, grimly and deeply. "You have a hand in the bad future, you know."

"ONLY ONE?!" Leo screamed, terrified at the thought of only being able to play his favorite Sonic games with only one cursed hand [A/N: he could probably do it though].

"I don't know," Sonic said, breaking Leo's neck affectionately. "It's pretty convoluted! But I basically came back to the past – Samurai Jack – to stop you from ever becoming Dark Leo in the future. And the only way we can do that is if we train you to utilize the positive energy stored within you, so that you may one day… TAKE DOWN EVILPANDA!" Lightning struck again, it was raining really hard outside so that's why it did that.

"Woof," Toby said, clearly impressed.

Leo sat at the foot of his bed, twisting Sonic's arms. "This is a lot to take in…"

"I understand you're confused; so am I," Sonic muttered, breaking Leo's ankles. "But we have no time to waste, even though we're time travelers. I need you to come with me… and Shadow."

Leo gasped and began seizuring in awe. "OH MY GOD SHADOW TOO?! I LOVE SHADOW! I HAVE HIS VIDEO GAME! I BEAT ALL TEN ENDINGS 326 TIMES!"

"Whoa that's really cool and impressive," Sonic said genuinely [A/N: it is impressive shut up]. "But we have a series of safehouses and temples that we had built across the world, unknown to EvilPanda because of magic barriers we had set up around them because yes! Your training will begin… in the highlands of SKY LANKA!" [A/N: get it get it get it?] [Steven's Note: I GET IT!]

"Oh, I like getting high…" Leo said, gaining a mischievous smile. "…Off of LIFE!"

"BOOYAH!" Sonic chanted, giving Leo a vigorous high-five in the face.

"WOOOOO!"

"So what do you say, Chosen One?" Sonic said prophetically, offering his gloved hand to Leo. "Come join us."

Leo was about to take it, but then paused and looked around his room with all his cool stuff. "But… what about home?"

Sonic looked away, his eyes downcast. "Until your training is done… I'm afraid you won't be able to return home for a while…"

Leo gasped, putting his hands to his face in shock. Toby uttered a melancholic dog-whine.

"But… b-but why?" Leo managed, tears nearly springing to his eyes before he managed to wipe them away because he was too cool to cry.

"…Time stuff…" Sonic declared, with a gruff, dramatic edge to his voice.

"Oh okay," Leo said, taking Sonic's hand but then pausing again. "I should say goodbye!"

"We don't have much time, Leo!" the blue hedgehog declared, stamping his feet.

Leo twiddled his thumbs, lost in thought.

 _What if I never see my friends again…_

Luckily, Sonic had learned the ability to read people's minds and he supportively clapped a hand on Leo's shoulder, brutally ravaging Leo's deltoid. "You'll be able to see them again… I promise."

 _POSTAGE STAMPS GONE SEXUAL!_

"What?"

 _Quiet, brain! I meant… Okay!_

"Okay, that's cool!" Sonic said.

Leo nodded and opened his bedroom door just a crack, peering outside, and then quietly yelling: "MOM? DAD? I'M GONNA… I'M GONNA GO HANG OUT WITH SOME OF MY NEW FRIENDS IN THE SKY SO I CAN LEARN HOW TO BECOME A HERO AND NOT DESTROY TIME AND SPACE, OKAY?"

"SURE THING SWEETIE! WE'LL BE KEEPING YOUR DINNER WARM FOR WHEN YOU RETURN," Palutena screamed back. Based on the distinct, heavy scent that was wafting through the household, she was still making her famous seven-course dinner just for Leo. [Andrew's note: leo's IRL mom actually makes really good food] [A/N: my mom just said thank you andrew, I didn't write that in because there's no mom's notes yet but believe me she actually said it]

"YOU KIDS HAVE FUN NOW!" Pac-Man chimed in.

A bittersweet smile soon crossed Leo's face. He was really gonna miss his parents. And Toby, too… Leo closed the door again and turned to Toby, who had set his portable keyboard aside and was looking at Toby with the kind of look that only a musically-trained white dog that made a popular video game could make.

"Toby… you look after Mom and Dad while I'm gone, okay? Someone has to be totally awesome and incredibly cool in my place, and you're the only candidate I have…" Leo whispered, kneeling down and wrapping his arms around Toby. His fur was super soft. "Wish you could come with me, bro."

"Brother mine, so would I," Toby declared. "Yet I should kill thee with much cherishing. Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow. Farewell, my dearest brother, fare thee well. The elements be kind to thee."

"Huh?"

"RRRRUFF!" Toby saved face, licking Leo's face. [A/N: everyone started laughing for some reason! Toby was just being super heartfelt]

"Stay cool, bro… but you will. You've got Leo genes." And with that, Leo rose.

He glanced at his cellphone… and realized with a heavy heart that he'd never gotten Vanessa's number. He would have no way to say goodbye for the time being.

"Don't you worry, Leo! She'll totally be waiting for you, maybe even looking for you!" Sonic enthusiastically said, giving Leo a big old thumbs up.

"…Okay!" Leo said. He felt ready. He knew he was ready! "Goodbye, Toby!"

"AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Without any further ado, Leo took Sonic's hand like he'd always dreamt of doing. But instead of Sonic leading him into the light, he suplexed Leo five times and then bodyslammed him into the portal, like true bros do.

A voice emerged from Leo's discarded iPhone: "…uh, sir, did you place your order?"

[…]

Sonic and Leo were flung through cyberspace. Leo was absolutely amazed by all of the flashing technicolor lights and circuits and various things and electrons and neutrons and protons [A/N: these are science terms] that were swirling all over the place. It was like a rainbow had vomited all over the place.

"Whoa!" said Leo.

"I know, right! Get used to seeing this; this is the Inter-Dimensionary Cyberspace, it allows you to transport yourself anywhere in any timeline!" Sonic shouted as they skirted past numerous rainbow-colored circuit pathways.

"Can it travel to a universe where Vanessa and I get married?"

"Let's not ask for miracles," Sonic said, amicably smacking him on the back, paralyzing Leo [A/N: ow]. An enormous light filled Leo's vision, and his world turned white!

But instead of being dead, he found himself on what he very clearly recognized as SKY LANKA! Despite having never been there, it was pretty easy to tell thanks to all the clouds everywhere.

"Welcome… TO SKY LANKA!" said Sonic as he broke into spontaneous breakdancing.

Leo's jaw dropped, but this time not on the floor, it was only hanging somewhat ajar [Steven's note: somewhat AJAW! AAHAHAAH]. The two of them were standing on a dark grey, floating cobblestone platform with absolutely beautiful greenery growing everywhere, and all Leo saw around him was sky! It was big, it was blue, and it was as vast as could be!

"Whoa…" said Leo.

And also… SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG WAS THERE, WIELDING TWO PISTOLS AKIMBO!

"SHADOW?!" screamed Leo, but in a manly fashion, and not at all like a girl or a child.

"Tsk," Shadow said edgily, turning his back and striking a badass pose with his pistols. "So you arrived at last. Chosen One."

"OH MY GOD IT'S SHADOW! I HAVE HIS VIDEO GAME! I BEAT ALL TEN ENDINGS 326 TIMES!"

"I saw. I beat it, too, because that was literally my adventure and I had to suffer through it 326 times."

"Wow, you're so cool!"

"I know, and so are you, Leo, my best friend," Shadow said, patting Leo's back because they were friends already. "But enough talk… your training must begin."

"Whoa, now?"

"He's right!" Sonic said, getting into a fighting stance. "Your training will begin in the usual way it begins for beginners: getting the shit beaten out of you! Without any mercy whatsoever!"

"Oh!" Leo said, prepping his huge gloved fists that he bought at a Sonic the Hedgehog amusement park in London. He flexed his fingers and got hyper-focused. "What's my objective in this?"

"To try and not get destroyed!" Sonic said, charging a spin dash. Shadow nodded and prepped his guns, cocking them back like a shotgun [A/N: I've played shadow the hedgehog, I know how guns work].

Leo looked at the two of them, wondering if this was just some crazy dream.

"Well…" Leo said, out loud, turning away from the two of them to monologue briefly. "If this is a dream… I'm going to make THE MOST OF THIS DREAM!"

After shouting at the top of his lungs, Leo squared his shoulders and bent his knees. He saw the faces of all of his family and friends in a beautiful daydream, all cheering him on!

Palutena / Mom was holding up a sign with big, splashy blue paint that read: "YOU CAN DO IT LOE" [Andrew's Editing Note: lmao not changing that either], and Pac-Man / Dad was right there next to her, pumping his oversized fists in supportive triumph. TobyFox was leading a chorus and a band, and they were playing something else besides Megalovania for once! Leo saw his harem in the crowd, all waving Leo-colored flags around [Andrew's note: what would that even look like?]. He saw a lot of people from school, all chanting Leo's name like some kind of ritual. For some reason, there were human-dog hybrid people in the audience, clapping quietly. Also Crush 40 and Justin Timberlake and The Spice Girls and Abraham Lincoln were there, cheering him on. And Vanessa was there, too. And she couldn't stop smiling at him!

There were also some figures Leo didn't really recognize. A vaguely cyan-colored, or perhaps turquoise-colored, 2-dimensional man looking at Leo from a distance. An evil, unibrowed, vaguely Satanic-looking person [Steven's note: ! SLGMNSDUIBGDU] [Andrew's note: I'll get the inhaler, keep writing] in distinctly evil clothes, folding his arms and looking at Leo with a dark glare. A redheaded knight, her slender hands coiled around her sword, as if prepared to slash at any moment. Some short, fat dude with a jagged mustache and a never-ending smirk, with wild eyes. Actually, no, Leo recognized that as Wario. That one was definitely Wario. A samurai-looking character with a helmet that was very clearly a cow skull, looking super serious. A tall, white dude holding a log of wood. [Andrew's note: this is the weirdest daydream]

And then… he saw Dark Leo.

And Dark Leo smirked, as if challenging Leo.

"I'm challenging you," Dark Leo taunted.

 _I WILL OVERCOME YOU, VILLAIN!_

Leo felt an incredible amount of energy well up inside of him. He clenched his fists and dashed towards Sonic, swinging the first punch.

 _HERE I GO!_

 **TO BE CONTINUED… NEXT TIME!**

[A/N: OKAY first chapter done! This is a big day.

Leave your thoughts on this in the comments, but only positive criticism and reinforcement please okay? Special thanks to my mom, my dad, my dogs, my fans, Vanessa (please be reading this), my friends Andrew and Steven, and to basically anybody that isn't Nathan or who likes Nathan, because he's a bully and a jerk. Stay tuned for CHAPTER 2! HAPPY HALLOWEEN / INTERNATIONAL LEO DAY EVERYONE!]

[A/N: wait shit it's November 1st]


	2. THE SECOND PROLOGUE

**THE SECOND PROLOGUE**

 **CHAPTER TWO: THE SECOND BEGINNINING**

[A/N: okay! So it's been a while since the first chapter of the Legend of Leo, hopefully the awesome, epic themes and messages I covered in the first chapter have had plenty of time to sink in, because oh boy is there more to come! You guys are gonna love Leo, trust me, there will come a day soon when November 1st – [andrew's note: and not Halloween apparently lmao, I warned you leo] and November 8th will be known as the Worldwide Leo Days, instead of All Saints' Day and, uh… National Aboriginal Veteran's Day, according to Wikipedia, which is always right. It's helped me out on so many essays, especially the one about reliable encyclopedia sources!]

[Andrew's Editing Note: you can guess how well he's doing in English]

[A/N: without further ado, lets read the reviews of the legend of leo! Let's start with the first one, the first ever review of The Legend of Leo! This one came from… Galaxithea! it reads: "what the heck man". HOLY SHIT GUYS, the first ever reviewer of The Legend of Leo is literally SPEECHLESS!]

[Andrew's note: that's a pretty good start imo] [Steven's note: HIS VOCAL CORDS ARE GONE!]

[A/N: I hope he's ready to never speak again, because the rest of the legend of leo is going to blow him!]

[Andrew's Editing Note: hahahahahaha]

[A/N: next review is from the wattpad version of The Legend of Leo! This one is from AwkwardlyAmpora, which reads: ":33 I like it very much!" ANOTHER AWESOME REVIEW, GUYS! ANDREW, STEVEN, PEOPLE REALLY LIKE THE LEGEND OF LEO!] [andrew's note: I can tell] [Steven's note: SATIM WOULD BE A FUCHSIA MUTANT BLOOD SEA-LAND-DWELLER!]

[A/N: also, everyone, go check out the legend of leo on wattpad! It's the legend of leo, by leogodzalez. The last review I have to talk about comes from ANOTHER LEO… whoaaa]

[andrew's note: shiiit, an impostor leo] [Steven's note: A FAKER LEO!]

[A/N: FAKER?! He's the fake Leo around here. Comparing himself to me? HA! He's… probably decent enough to be my fake. ANYWAY! "yeah my name also happens to be leo but its not important, but its just man, i love your enthusiasm. i love how much you seem to be enjoying this, and i can see it! but if you really wanna get into writing, you gotta know when you communicate your enjoyment and when to be serious. the author's notes are... well, intrusive. they break up the story and ruin the energy, and don't really add much. at first, i thought the character "Leo" just happened to share your name, but with your author's notes, he feels more like a cheap self-insert instead of a fleshed out character. when palutena mentions the biological dad and mom, it... felt really awkward and borderline sinister. i dunno about you, but if i said something like that to my adoptive kid, they would probably be upset that you just casually mentioned their estranged parents. sometimes, you don't have to communicate exposition through dialogue; it can be through subtle actions or nuances. also, don't worry about things like, "He screamed, in a manly way-" since your character is male, we know he's probably not screaming like a girl unless you mentioned it. also, i'm doing my best to communicate everything in a positive way, but... to be honest, you're gonna get negative criticism sometimes, and that's okay! you just gotta learn to take that. but you're doing good so far! you're writing WAY more than most people ever do in their lifetime. just gotta refine your craft is all. good luck!"

[Andrew's Editing Note: hhhhhhh he copied the whole fucking thing-]

[A/N: well, thank you 4 your thoughts, other-leo! I personally believe, like, the author's notes are super helpful for, y'know, helping explain everything and totally getting some valuable insight on the characters and Andrew, steven, and I as people!]

[andrew's note: you literally left a note that said "I don't read yaoi but I know the hands are long and strong"]

[A/N: also leo isn't a self-insert, he just happens to share my looks, my hair color, my height, my personality, my interests, my dislikes, my dogs, most of my game systems, and maybe or maybe not my same crush and same bully? It's purely coincidental. Also I thought all exposition was communicated through dialogue? I watched sword art online and that's how they did it, usually]

[andrew's note: there was also a guy straight up called death gun] [Steven's note: which is one of the inspirations for you-know-who, wink wonk]

[A/N: also about the screaming thing, there's plenty of guys that can scream like a girl. NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW OR HAVE EXPERIENCE, just saying that they are probably out there! Like Nathan. It was totally necessary at the moment to emphasize that leo did not scream like a girl, and probably never will. Unless he has to for like a movie or something.]

[A/N: aaand that's all the reviews! Be sure to leave more, to follow the story, and to share the LEGEND with all of your friends! Without further ado… NOW WE BEGIN AGAIN!]

[A/N: also happy birthday, Lelouch! December 5! And Happy National Sachertorte Day! Dunno what that is, but it'll probably be a character!]]

[***]

 **MONTPELIER, VERMONT, AMERICA, USA, THE WORLD**

 **OCTOBER 21, 2017**

 **MISSION STREET JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL**

A long, relieved sigh escaped Vanessa's lips as she heard the final bell for the day. At long last, the end of the school day had finally come along, and it was time for her to pack up, go home, and do whatever it is Vanessas do except probably be beautiful and do really cool and cute things [A/N: sighhhhh] all day and all night. She rose from her seat, and was almost immediately surrounded by her squadmates Keya, Tex, Carly Rae Jepsen, and, of course, Jessica, who was absolutely totally in the first chapter already.

[andrew's note: what-]

Vanessa demurely cleared her throat and smiled as her friends began chattering amongst themselves.

"Sooooooo, girls, what's on the agenda TONITE?" Tex began, thrusting her arm up in a slightly diagonal position with her finger pointed out but not like a Nazi. "Trick Question, obviously we're gonna go PARTYYYYY!" [Steven's note: I'm a professional, this is how girls talk!]

"It's going to be soooo coooool," Jessica butted in, because she was totally in the first chapter already, her platinum blonde hair bouncing in excitement. Because she was, her hair wasn't sentient anymore, thankfully. "It's gonna be TOTES LIT!"

"Ya know it, gurrrl fam, it's gonna be hype AF!" Tex chimed in, flashing a gang sign because she knew some seriously poppin' street lingo and had been teaching Jessica some stuff.

"I can't WAIT to be invited to the party!" Carly Rae Jepsen exclaimed, clapping in excitement.

[Andrew's Editing Note: wait what— is she, is she waiting to get INVITED? or is she already invited? orrrRRR— WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT I DON'T GET IT AND LEO ISN'T ANSWERING MY TEXTS, LEO PLEASE FIX THIS BEFORE YOU PUBLISH IT]

"You gonna tag along, Bruhnessa?" Keya asked, having now tied her hoodie around her waist. The squad all walked out into the hallway as Vanessa considered her answer.

"Um… well, as much as I would like to, I *really* should help attend to those orphans and cripples I've been helping out recently," Vanessa quietly responded, turning a corner down the hallway to reach her locker. The moment she entered the corridor, every single student begin singing her name in perfect harmony, and more anime bubbles and doves - not Palutena's, luckily - flew through the school.

"Vaaa-ness-aaaaaa~" the entire student body harmonized. [A/N: sighhhhhh]

Vanessa smiled and shyly nodded to everyone as she opened up her locker to grab the rest of her stuff, squadmates close on her heel. "I also need to go donate some money to the poor, help end Teal racism, tend to my blind, crippled, ill sister, find some homeless litters of puppies and kittens and help give them good homes… so, y'know, a usual Friday night for me."

Tex let out an exasperated groan, but affectionately wrapped an arm around Vanessa's waist. "Gurrrl, always so busy with work, work, work, work, WERK! But hey, ya know, none of us think any lesser of you for it."

"Mhm! You're super-duper amazing," Carly Rae Jepsen readily agreed.

"Earnest compliment!" Keya offered.

Vanessa blushed, but not because she was in love… yet [A/N: fore…shadowing? idkkk], but because she felt really honored and humbled to be around such awesome friends, just like Leo was honored to be around his awesome friends every day!

[Andrew's Editing Note: you're pure, leo, sometimes]

"Thanks, girls," Vanessa smiled, her pearly-white smile making her cocoa-colored skin glow. She closed up her locker once she had everything she needed. "But I'll make time for you all tonight if I can, promise! Really, honestly."

"Yesssss," Jessica hissed, pumping her fissst in triumph!

"We'll be expecting ya, homegirl," Tex said, winking and making some finger guns. Vanessa made finger guns right back at her.

"Don't party too hard without me," Vanessa said, giving her friends a very warm goodbye as she prepped her backpack and then set off towards the bus stop.

She was smiling and sighing happily to herself all the way over there. Vanessa was a girl that knew a lot of things, because she was incredibly smart and gifted with intelligence unlike that fool, Nathan Sux [Andrew's note: sigh], but if there was one thing she knew above all others, it's that she was incredibly lucky and incredibly blessed. Blessed with great parents, great friends, great smarts, great looks, a great personality, great emerald-green eyes, great cherry-red hair, great body even though that's obviously not the most important about a woman at all, and a great greatness that surpassed everyone else's greatness in the history of greats. Life could have chosen to be cruel to her, but it decided to instead be cool to her, cool like a Sonic the Hedgehog ice cream sundae.

Vanessa quietly boarded her school bus and bashfully sidled into an open seat as everyone on the bus sang her name, even the bus driver, because boy was she awesome. She opened up Spotify Premium on her phone and turned on some music she thought was cool, probably something like Crush 40, who was one of her favorite singers. [A/N: i like to think she likes crush 40 like I do] In the meantime, she pulled up another screen that showed her remaining schedule for the day.

" _4:00 - help feed, care for, and be nice to the orphans and the cripples_

 _4:20 - blaze it [Steven's note: WOKE]_

 _4:30 - go get the donation money from the bank_

 _5:10 - donate that money to the homeless and the poor and the broke_

 _5:41 - sign a bunch of Teal petitions_

 _5:54 - go on puppy patrol, likewise for kitty katrol_

 _6:16 - RISE IN THE NAME OF THE PROPHECY_

 _6:49 - come home for dinner_

 _7:00 - play with, read to, and spend time with sister_

 _8:30 - shake hands with the pope_

 _10:00 - video games?_

 _10:30 - bed by this hour_ "

Vanessa curiously stroked her chin and her red lips, lost in thought. _I suppose I could… reschedule my hand-shaking with the Pope for Sunday, when I'm already going to church? Although, I don't want to be selfish!_ [A/N: she's totally not she's amazing]

Her thumbs moved across the keypad, typing in: " **8:00 - Party?** "

 _I'm sure the Pope will understand… wait, hold on._ Her eyes scanned back over the text next to the 6:16 timeslot [Andrew's Editing Note: that's her birthday I think? Huh, dunno if this is clever or weird]… strange. Vanessa didn't remember writing that one in, ever.

 _Did Tex snatch my phone up again to hack the government? Oh, Tex!_

Vanessa's phone quickly buzzed as Crush 40 resonated inside of her earholes. A message from Nathan Sux. Her eyes widened a little with curiosity, though only curiosity, nothing else obviously, why would there be anything else? [A/N: there's not : ( ]

" **Hey vanessa r you comin to that shindig tonight? Haha I'm stupid [NATHAN SUX, 3:12 PM]** "

Vanessa sighed and tapped out a message. She pitied Nathan because he was dumb and immature, and that's why they were close friends.

" **I'll see what I can do! : ) [YOU, 3:13 PM]** "

Another message, seconds later, probably because Nathan was super desperate for attention [Andrew's note: jfc leo] [A/N: whaaAaattt?].

" **duhhhhhh okay hyuck hyuck [NATHAN SUX, 3:13 PM]** " [Andrew's note: HAHAHAHAHAHA never mind we're square leo]

Vanessa sighed and quietly hoped that was the end of the conversation with Sux. She scrolled through her contact list, looking to find someone else to chat with… and then her heart skipped a beat when she saw his name. Right there in the L's… Leo.

Leo Godzalez… her old friend.

 _Oh my gosh._ She hadn't heard from him in so long… it had been an entire 40 minutes since he hadn't texted her back. The long-distance relationship was beginning to have a serious effect on Vanessa's mind [Andrew's note: I]… she wished she could have him back in her arms again—

Vanessa blinked, realizing she was started to space out and daydream again. What are you even thinking about? You're obviously not totally head-over-heels in love with him or anything ridiculous like that… b-baka…

Nevertheless, she flung herself back into daydreaming, looking out the window and sighing nostalgically. I wonder how he's doing… he's probably heroically, awesomely kicking butt like he always does.

[...]

 **MEANWHILE, IN SKY LANKA…**

"OOOOOOOFFFFF," Leo screamed as he got his butt whooped once again by Sonic. He fell on his back, skies of blue and little stars of pain filling his eyesight as he tried to wobble back to his feet.

"Okay, Leo, you're… GETTING BETTER AT NOT GETTING YOUR ASS KICKED AS FREQUENTLY!" Sonic proclaimed, dusting off his oversized gloves. He sighed and paced around the cobblestone walkways of the Sky Lanka Training Palace's lush, oversized gardens. The blue hedgehog ran a hand through his quills and then offered a hand to help Leo up like a best friend would. Leo gasped in surprise and took the hand [A/N: not in a gay way], being helped back into a standing position.

"Wow, thanks bestie!" Leo proclaimed, quickly covering up his numerous bruises with Cool Guy Concealer.

"SURE THING, LEO! That's what friends are for."

Leo spared a glance down the length of the backyard, where he saw Shadow meditating in front of the Training Palace's backyard shoji screen door [Steven's note: THOSE ARE FROM JAPAAAAAANNN]. He was sitting criss cross applesauce, kickass rocket shoes tucked underneath his legs, eyes closed peacefully. Calm, blissful, ambient music was coming out of his Walkman, which seemed so retro that it actually surprised Leo and he made an audibly surprised whoa.

"Surprised whoa…!" said Leo.

Shadow was also calmly cleaning and reloading his Heckler & Koch MP5 sub-machine gun alongside his SIG SG 551 semi-automatic while taking in nature's splendor [A/N: these are guns].

"Focus, Leo!" Sonic reminded, which snapped Leo back to attention. Leo turned stiff as a soldier.

"You're totally right! Focus is the most important thing a warrior should know, next to the values of FRIENDSHIP, HEART, SOUL, TEAMWORK, EVIL, WORLD DOMINATION, AND BELIEVING IN YOURSELF!"

"SOUNDS SOLID TO ME. WAIT, WHAT?"

"WHAT?" Leo began to break out into a totally not-that-obvious sweat.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Uh, Soni—"

"LET'S RUN THE COURSE ONE MORE TIME!" Sonic immediately proclaimed, performing a double backflip, rolling up into a ball in midair, and then landing down in a perfect standing position, form impeccable.

"OKAY!" Leo chirped, having already forgotten how quickly he'd slid into the darkness back there [A/N: that's probably not going to happen again… haha, I'm kidding, I'm being ironic cause foreshadowing]. He quickly NYOOM'd past Shadow and into the training palace, feet kicking up dust all the way through.

Shadow set his thoroughly-cleaned gun down and sighed in an affectionate manner, standing up and folding his arms, with an amused-but-proud smile on his face. Sonic did the exact same thing except bluer.

"He's growing up so quickly," said Shadow.

"Ain't he just?" Sonic sighed, taking a moment to wipe a proud tear away from his eye. "These past seven days, they've just—just FLOWN BY!"

"I know, Sonic, I know," Shadow offered him a consoling bro hog—hug, but specifically a bro hog, because they're not gay, they're just best friends and they sleep in the same bunk together that way Leo could have the top bunk, because being on the top bunk made Leo feel like he was on top of the world. [Andrew's Editing Note: is there—there's something fundamentally wrong with this paragraph, I just can't decipher exactly… what]

"Time has a funny way of doing that, huh?" Shadow questioned, pulling his cellphone out from his pock—his pocke—his… pock… ets? ? [Andrew's Note: uhhhhhhhhhhh] [Steven's Note: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH] [A/N: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]

"INDEED IT DOES!"

"I better get going, Sonic. I'm late for my 80's aerobics class with the other Shadows."

"Pshhhhh, Shadowwwwwww, you're the master of time and space, how could you be laaaate?! Haha!" Sonic joked, lightly punching Shadow's arm, light enough to dislocate his shoulder.

Shadow cheekily smirked, screaming as he snapped his shoulder bone back into place. "AAAAAAAAA—I know. It's just a prank us Shadows like to pull."

"HAHA, TIME TRAVEL JOKE. I'll take over from here, Shadow, don't you worry!"

"Don't forget to feed and water him, and take him out for at least 3 or 4 walks a day," Shadow reminded as he walked back into the foyer to look for his red-black leotard [Andrew's note: please draw fanart of this] [A/N: DARK LEO FANART!].

"I'LL MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T EAT THE OTTOMAN AGAIN, HOMIE," Sonic insisted, like a cooldude.

"Good. Chaos Control," Shadow then proceeded to vanishhhhhhhhhhh.

"I'm way past cool," Sonic proudly muttered to himself, grabbing a can of Crush 40 Soda from the fridge in the Palace's foyer before blasting out into the frontal cortex [Andrew's Editing Note: kek] to go find Leo.

Leo was busying himself with admiring the unblemished natural beauty that was Sky Lanka. Leo had never seen a more beautiful place in all of his life! And he'd seen the sun kissing the tip [A/N: not in a weird way] of the Green Mountains at dawn. He could see the absolutely enormous Blue Moon, almost concealed by long rows of billowing clouds, smack dab in the center of his point of view; he could also see the smaller Purple Moon hanging off in the corner of the skybox. Spotted throughout the sky world were a huge collection of floating islands and archipegaloes and islets and houses and waterfalls that were probably filling the oceans in the world after the horrible Drought of '96 when a mysterious stranger stole all the water from the Mediterranean Sea, and all the salt from the Dead Sea [Steven's note: the sea from which SATIM WAS BORNNNN]. There were also a bunch of what looked like ruins scattered around the airspace, with crumbling pillars and marble floors and ATM machines.

Leo noticed these ruins all had long, narrow, gold chains poking out from its underside; the chains stretched all the way below the clouds and probably even further.

"Whoa, I'm just now noticing these…!" Leo marveled. He peered down over the edge of Palace Isle to examine the chains before he was quickly suplexed by Sonic.

"DYNAMIC ENTRANCE!" screamed he.

"AAAAAAAAAA—" Leo was quickly thrown into a nearby fountain, where he awesomely recovered thanks to all the training he'd been receiving from Sonic and Shadow. [Andrew's note: offscreen, in case you didn't notice]

"GOOD REFLEXES, LEO! BUT WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT GOING TO THE EDGE?"

"That the edge is cool?" Leo asked, with a gravelly, dramatic voice, fire burning in his eyes.

"WHAT?" Sonic took a step back in shock.

"Whaaa?" Leo blinked, back to his normal voice [A/N: which is still pretty cool!].

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Bellowed the demon within Leo's head, whom he'd taken to calling… Dark Leo! [A/N: YES!] [Steven's Note: YES] [Andrew's note: no] He quickly grasped his curly afro and squeezed his eyes shut.

 _Nooooooo, why did you make me say that?_

 _BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU WANTED TO SAY IT._

 _No I didn't!_

 _YES YOU DID!_

 _No I didn't!_

 _YES YOU DID!_

 _No!_

 _YES!_

 _Nuh-huh!_

 _YUH-HUH!_

 _No U!_

 _NUHHH, YOU_

[Andrew's Editing Note: cutting this off here, the original cut was 12 pages long]

 _Begone, thot! I'm trying to become the ultimate hero here and make my best friends proud of me!_

 _YOU BEGONE._

 _No YOU—_

 _ONE OF THE VOICES IN MY OWN HEAD CALLED ANDREW IS ORDERING ME TO STOP THIS NONSENSE_ [Andrew's note: at least Dark Leo listens to me]. _YOU GOT LUCKY, FOOL. MUAHAHAHAHAHA-!_

"LEO!"

Leo nearly tripped on his Converse when he homed back in on reality again, Sonic's voice pulling him out of the dark. "Uhhhh-!"

"You alright, man?!"

"I WAS HAVING MY PERIOD, SORRY!"

"YOUR WHAT-"

"Let's get back to work!" Leo hastily recovered, pumping his fist, trying to pretend this wasn't bothering him.

 _IT TOTALLY IS, FOOOOOOL._

 _Go awayyyyyyyyyyy, you're embarrassing me in front of all the other voices in my head!_

 _I Dunno, Dude, I Think This Evil Guy's Pretty Cool._

 _ya totallyyyyyyy_

 _Y0u 5h0u1d t0t411y 1i5t3n 2 him, duuuuuuud3!_

 _No! Leo listens to-_

 _NOBODY EXCEPT HIMSELF!_

 _Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!_

 _EVIL LAUGH!_

"Okay!" Sonic said, happily ignoring the mental showdown going on in Leo's head [Andrew's note: why am I not surprised again?]. He pulled out a switch from his… pock—he picked up a switch from off the ground and pressed the big red button, which immediately turned the royal-looking training palace into an EXERCISE COURSE OF DEATH AND FRIENDSHIP! Elaborate, complex-looking devices and bridges and smidges and slides and platforms and racetracks all popped up out of panels that were placed in the ground but hidden beneath a bunch of vines, that way the Sky Pirates wouldn't have any reason to steal anything, and so the Sky Police wouldn't suspect any terrorist motives [A/N: that's super clever thanks Andrew].

"That's always so cool to look at," Leo remarked, folding his arms as he looked over the course. "Hey, I didn't notice the firey slip-n-slides! Are those a new addition?"

"YUP! WE FINALLY PAID OFF OUR MORTGAGE AND COULD AFFORD SOME OF THOSE!" Sonic proclaimed, who began speeding up a watchtower that stood over the nearby garden; he stood on the railing of the walkway, proudly demonstrating the awesome sense of balance that Leo had yet to master because he wasn't a Gary Stu yet [Andrew's Editing Note: B)] [Steven's note: Who's Gary?].

Man… nobody's beaten Sonic's record yet! Even Shadow's in second place, and I'm in second second place.

"ALRIGHT, LEO! YOU KNOW HOW THIS IS GOING TO GO!" Sonic belted. "BUT FOR THE READERS, I'M GONNA RUN THROUGH IT ONE MORE COTTON-PICKIN' TIME!"

"YOU GOT IT, SONIC!"

"FIRST, YOU WILL RACE THROUGH THE 500-METER TRACK A TOTAL OF 11 TIMES, TO DEMONSTRATE YOUR…?"

"SPEED!" Leo yelled back, excitedly looking at the brown-ish, circular racing track [A/N: we have one of these at my school and we all like to run on this at gym even though Steven gets asthma!] [Steven's note: WHEEEEEZE]

"CORRRRRRRRRRRECT! AND THEN, FROM THENCE, YOU WILL PROCEED TO GLIDE ACROSS THE SLIP N' SLIDE COURSE IN A ZEN POSE WHILE JUGGLING FOUR COPIES OF SEGA SUPERSTARS TENNIS AND AVOIDING THE POOCH CANNONS, IN ORDER TO DEMONSTRATE YOUR…?"

"Uhhh… BALANCE!" [Andrew's note: why sega superstars—wait, I think I understand, never mind] [A/N: seeee? I knew where that was going! Totally, haha]

"DING DING DING!"

"Did you call my name?" Evil Ding asked, smoking a cigarette. [A/N: OneyPlays!]

"GET THE HECK OUTTA HERE, YOU VILLAIN, AND HAVE A NICE DAY, TOO!" Sonic yelled.

"YEAH, YOU DON'T WIN WAR WITH EVIL 45% OF THE TIME!" screamed Leo.

"WHAT?" replied Sonic and Evil Ding at the same time.

"…79 PERCENT!"

"MUCH BETTER," Sonic bellowed as Evil Ding left the Watchtower. "AFTERWARDS, YOU WILL SPRINT UP THE BROADCAST TOWER, INTO THE REIQUARIUM, IN THROUGH THE OUT DOOR, OUT THROUGH THE OUT DOOR, UP AND DOWN AND ALL AROUND, AND THEN HAVE JUST ENOUGH TIME TO VISIT THE PRESIDENT, WHOM YOU WILL THEN PROCEED TO…?"

"MURDER?" yelled Leo. Wait! No! Demon stoooopp! "I MEAN… MURDER WITH AN AWESOME HIGH-FIVE! FIGURATIVELY!"

"BINGO, LEO! AND THEN YOU WILL CHAOS CONTROL BACK INTO SKY LANKA, WHERE YOU WILL GO ON THE SMUGGLERS' NOTCH OF DOOM [Andrew's note: holy FUCK THAT PLACE IS LIT] [A/N: WE ALL NEED TO GO AGAIN OH MY GOD] [Steven's Note: YUSSSS] AND DOWN THE HYPERSPEED WATER SLIDE, WHERE YOU THEN BE DEPOSITED IN THE AQUATIC LAB AND FIGHT OFF THE EXPERIMENTAL CHAOS CREATURES, AND THEN YOU'LL HOP A RIDE IN THE LAZY RAGING RAPIDS RIVERS OF LEO, WHICH WILL DEPOSIT YOU ONTO THE VINE BRIDGE, WHICH WILL MAKE YOU SUFFER THROUGH HOURS OF VINE COMPILATIONS TO TEST YOUR RESOLVE!"

"The horror…" Leo whispered to himself. He didn't know how Sonic and Shadow could handle it [Andrew's note: me neither].

"YOU WILL THEN CAPTURE THE ORCA WITH YOUR HAT, RIDE HIM INTO THE SUNSET, HOP INTO THE INSANOFLEX, PERFORM THE ULTIMATE GUITAR SOLO OF LIFE AND DEATH, GO THROUGH THE GUN-N-RUN GALLERY, RESPECT WOMEN, AND THEN FINALLY PERFORM THE FINAL CHASE, WHERE YOU WILL SPRINT UP TO THE ARK WHILE THE SUN UNDERGOES A SUPERNOVA FIVE TIMES IN A ROW, BOUNCING OFF THE PURPLE MOON TO GIVE YOU ENTRY INTO THE SPACE COLONY ARK'S LANDING BAY… WHERE YOU WILL THEN TAKE A TAXI RIDE HOME TO SEE YOUR RESULTS!"

[Steven's note: I actually have the World Record on this track, I was just invisible when I was doing it]

"Got it, Leo?!" Sonic shouted one last time, taking a moment to down a whole bottle of water.

"I CAN DO ALL THAT, ESPECIALLY THE PARTS ABOUT RESPECTING WOMEN AND ALL THE OTHER PARTS WHERE I DO AWESOME THINGS!"

"RADICAL! You Freddie, Leo?!"

"Spaghetti!" Leo affirmed.

"The timer will start the moment you hit the race track!"

A big, deep, final breath, then: "I CAN DO THIS! LEO… PUNCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Leo proceeded to hit the ground running!

[...]

 **BRITANNIA, BRITANNIA**

 **THE BAD FUTURE, CERCA 2039**

 **THE VT-5A EXPRESSWAY**

While most days of Qqoryu's life were pain, tonight was especially painful. The operation was supposed to be an easy one, a pretty typical raid on one of EvilPanda's many demented, trap-filled factories – it was like doing the dishes or getting the groceries, or at least what getting groceries used to be like before EvilPanda turned all the grocery stores in the world into minefields. But what he and his crew found surprised even the most cynical of the rebels. They found Walkmans.

And not just any regular old Walkmans… but Fluorescent Walkmans.

Clearly, these were dangerous and not meant to be toyed with by EvilPanda's army, so the rebels bundled up as much as they could from the wrecked factory and fled into their RV-Kart's, which were RV's with golf carts mounted into the sides of the RV [Andrew's note: thanks for explaining that, also what the fuck] [Steven's note: GOLF CARTS ARE THE BEST THANK YOU LEO!]. It used to be that just RV's and Golf Cart's individually were the common mode of transportation in Britannia, but then EvilPanda demanded that all factories combine the two so that it would be horrifically inconvenient for everybody.

But this was just another day for Qqoryu. Still, he wouldn't have minded not having bullets and explosive firing at his RV from all directions. He also would have preferred there not be a horrible rainstorm going on during all this.

"Quick, take the exit on the left!" shouted Tab, a revolutionary that was always wearing a teal jumpsuit and a cobalt beanie that was constantly pulled over his eyes because he is actually blind [Andrew's note: *snort*].

"You sure about that, boy?" Qqoryu managed to ask, albeit slowly and with a lot of pain, his voice sounding like a mix between a hoarse Rottweiler and a dying old man [Steven's Note: how can rottweilers be hoarse if they're DOGSS? HAAAA].

"The map never lies!" Tab insisted, looking at his red-marked map upside down. "Beat it!"

"Ohhhhh, gotta ghooooost; hang on tight, kids!" shouted Qqoryu. A grenade exploded dangerously close to the RV-Kart as Qqoryu swerved into a hard left, the RV tilting hard like in Mario Kart, the neon lights a blur in the sky as they raced closer into the city.

One of the police pods on Qqoryu's trail wasn't expecting Qqoryu's sudden turn, and they braked hard in an attempt to reverse and turn, but another pod behind them quickly rammed into them, causing fizzes and sparks to go flying.

A little further behind those pods, Mii Force B yelped in her own vehicle as she saw those squadrons collide, quickly tapping her own driver. "Hook a hard left! They're trying to escape through the tunnels, I just know it."

"Awww YEAH baby, you got it," B.D. Joe [A/N: her driver, also he's from CRRAAAZZY TAXIIII] said, quickly flailing his hands on the steering wheel and flooring it into the Exit Lane.

"Thank you, you sexy mothe—erm, I mean… respectable, hopefully single, human being," Mii Force B corrected herself, picking up her walkie-talkie with her Hand-Gun [Andrew's Editing Note: …so it's a gun, right?]. "Vertibird squadron! They're heading for the tunnels off of the VT-5A! Make sure they don't get away!"

The rain continued to pour down in heavy, heavy bursts as Qqoryu slid onto Tunnel Street, the well-lit tunnels about a mile or two in the distance from where he was. He barely managed to skid the RV-Kart into an appropriate lane, cutting off at least three or four civilians that just wanted to go to their daily jobs of being EvilPanda's eternal slaves [A/N: it's br00tal guys].

Everyone in the vehicle jumped as Qqoryu kept on flooring it, the confiscated Walkmans rattling. "You boys okay back there?!" Qqoryu yelled, although it sounded like a painful whisper.

The three hooded men in question all winced, loading up their weapons and huddled against the couches in the back.

"This is fuckin' worse than American Truck Simulator," the brown-haired, beanie-clad man complained, shaking with PTSD, Post-Truck Stress Disorder. This man was Oney [A/N: ONEYPLAYSSS! Happy National Puhskinti Day everyone!] [Andrew's note: leo that was a week ago], and he and his friends had seen more than enough war for a lifetime.

"I've seen more than enough war for a lifetime," the thicc bearded man whose name was Julian said, hanging his head low and saluting with his gun against his head. "Me and me glass eye." [Andrew's note: oh, he's a pirate now, lmao]

"I thought Let's Players and YouTubers destroying my home planet was enough, but this…" the alien rabbid known as Ding Dong, short for DingDongVG, just shook his head. "Why won't God let us die?"

"Because EvilPanda made us IMMORTAL, Ding Dong!" Oney insisted, grasping his shotgun, his eyes wide and angry. "She AND Julian's dad both did it!"

"I know what she did, Chris, you DON'T HAVE TO EXPOSIT INFORMATION IN FRONT OF MY FACE ALL THE TIME!" Ding Dong retorted back, readying his rifle and getting ready to fight with Oney until they heard the sounds of bullets grazing the RV's exterior.

"Mateys, we don't have the luxury of time ta bicker away, argh!" Julian insisted, hopping in-between the two and raising his sniper rifle for effect. "Whatever ye troubles are with each-other, lads, they be nothing compared to our troubles with thar lubberin' EvilPanda! Parley and make up, now!"

"Okay, FINE! I'm sorry for funni screaming in your face, Ding Dong," Oney muttered, folding his arms.

"I'm sorry for breaking the fourth wall, Chris, I should have known that would hurt your feelings…" Ding Dong said back, frowning.

"No-homo bro hug?" Oney offered, opening his arms.

"No-homo bro hug." [Andrew's note: this is riveting conflict leo] [A/N: I know! I was on the edge of my seat]

[A/N: also, _**Chapterly Question! Who is your favorite member of OneyPlays and what's your favorite episode? I liked it when they did sonic adventure 2, especially when they cheered once Sonic came on the screen before City Escape, because I do that all the time too!**_ ]

They were about to do that before they were rudely interrupted by an explosive rocket that rammed into the back of the RV-Kart, causing everyone to jump and fall over. Ding Dong scrambled to his feet and peered out the window, seeing the smoke trail of a fired Vertibird rocket in the sky over all the rain plastered on the glass. There were Vertibirds everywhere.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA, I LOVE THIS JOB!" shouted one of the Vertibird pilots, with a baritone voice.

"YEA, WE ABOUTA FUCK THEM UP, LEMME AT 'EM!" screamed another one, with a high-pitched voice.

"I HEARD ALL THAT, BECAUSE MY EARS ARE COMPENSATING FOR MY LACK OF SIGHT, YO!" Tab yelled, throwing his arms in front of him and crossing them like a cool dude.

"THAT'S REALLY CONVENIENT AND RADICAL!" Ding Dong shouted back, turning to his crew. "Qqoryu, what the hell are we gonna do?"

"Let 'em eat lead!" Qqoryu ordered.

"THAT BE A SOLID STRATEGY!" Julian yelled. He, Oney, and Ding Dong all got into positions at different sides of the RV windows, kneeling on the couch cushions to give them some extra height.

"I'll handle all the fuckers on the right, Ding Dong!" Chris said, kicking down the glass window and firing at the Vertibirds as they started to close in, sniping them with his awesome-looking shotgun [Andrew's note: HOW DOES THAT WORK] [A/N: I played Shadow, Andrew, I know how guns work!].

"I got the left and the back! Julian, take the turrets on the Golf Carts!" Ding Dong said, gesturing to the small, caved staircases at the sides of the RV-Kart. "Your glass eye will create a lens flare and blind them!"

"DESPITE THERE BEING NO SUN AND THUSLY NO LENS FLARE, I HEARTILY AGREE WITH THAT PLAN, ARGGGHH!" [Andrew's Editing Note: a good edit i made i'd say] Julian hopped into position, kicking down the door near the staircase, hopping onto the front seat of the shaking, jittering Golf Cart on the left, which was lighting up with yellow light as Ding Dong sustained fire. He assumed an awesome-looking pose, and began to shine his glass eye up into the sky in the direction of the Vertibirds, fiddling with the glass with his fingers. He began to spin and twirl in a circle, making the flare shine all around the place like a searchlight. [A/N: nananananananaBATMON]

Up above, the Vertibird pilots screamed and began to violently swerve around. Julian then barrel-rolled into the turret and let out numerous screams as his 'Nam 11 memories came flashing back, bullets flying from the turret's pointy thing [Andrew's Note: barrel, also… 'Nam eleven?] [A/N: just wait! It'll make sense i promise] and up into the gray sky.

"OW OW OW OW BULLETS!" screamed the deep-voiced one.

"OW OW OW ME FUCKIN' EYE, DAWG!" screamed the chipmunk-sounding one in unison.

"We got company on our six, which means our ass!" Qqoryu said, glancing in his rearview mirror; he saw the black and gold lights of EvilPanda's police pods hot on their trails, some of which began opening fire on them.

"THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR GIVING US BUBSY!" Ding Dong screamed, mowing down some of the poor suckers in the pods.

"We're almost to the tunnels, boys, just keep up the good work!" Qqoryu called over all the gunfire, reaching for his walkie-talkie and feeling about a million muscles collapse as he did so. "Lelo—er, Red Light, come in, do you read me?"

"That withering voice is unmistakable," said the synthesized voice that came out of the radio. "Status report, Q-1. Do you have the package?"

"Not just any Walkmans, buddy—Red Light, sir," Qqoryu groaned. "…Fluorescent Walkmans."

"FLUORESCENT WALKMANS?!" Red Light roared.

"With an LCD TV, sir."

"Curses…! I knew this day would come."

"What do they mean? These things are beyond my kin."

"I can't tell you that… not yet!"

"But why not?"

"Because I'm being… cryptic…" Red Light's fake voice suddenly had a bunch of echo added to it, so it sounded like cryptic, cryptic, cryptic… [Andrew's note: I think the readers know what that means leo] [Steven's Note: -leo, leo, leo…]

"Ohhh, okay."

"Advance into the tunnels! Don't let them gain on you, and especially don't let them harm the Walkmans in any way! Deploy colored smoke and deploy the cargo!"

"You got it, homie—boss," Qqoryu breathed, quickly craning his neck and damn near snapping it in the process, his thick eyebrows narrowing. "Release the pussy!" [Andrew's Note: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA] [Steven's Note: FUNNY JOOOKEEE] [A/N: i don't get it]

"PUSSY DEPLOYED, SIR!" Oney saluted, moving from his firing path to grab two silver cases, kick open the door in the back, and then throw them out. "DJANGO, SUSHI, GO FUCK 'EM UP!"

The silver cases hit the wet concrete, and from the boxes popped out two cats, with sharpened claws.

"WOOF!" Django and Sushi said in unison, sharpening their claws and leaping towards the sky at the pilots.

"Yo, Leroy, check it out, it's a couple of dogs!" the baritonal pilot yelled, swerving his Vertibird in a 180 degree circle [A/N: I know how helicopters work, I've played Halo before] to face the incoming cats.

"WHOA, DOGS?!" Leroy the high-pitched pilot [Steven's Note: that should be a book] also craned his Vertibird to face the cats, causing his dynamite-laserbeam shot to go wide. "I LOVE DO-HHH SHIT TIDDIES BITCH-!" The glass shattered and Leroy's face was soon a mess of claws and blood and fur and other stuff that happens to you when you get clawed in the face by cats [A/N: I've never been clawed in the face, and I'd rather not find out]. "CARLUCCI, HELP ME!"

"Fuck you say-? OH NOOM JNSFHBVYDS" Carlucci was about to eject Leroy from his cockpit before he was interrupted by the unmistakable feeling of a cat tearing up his face; the cockpit glass was destroyed. "OW, THE PIT OF MY COCK, AND THE COCK OF MY PIT!"

The Vertibirds began to twist and turn and loop-de-loop in distraction, which gave Qqoryu and his crew just enough time to head right into the tunnel. Soon, the rain and bullets and fire and rockets and gray skies were replaced by rain and bullets and fire and rockets and a warm, cool-looking, orange-lit tunnel!

Everyone in the RV-Kart took a deep breath. "Yaaaaaaaaaayyyy," Qqoryu wheezed, twitching his mouth into a pained, open smile [Andrew's note: I like this guy; also how the hell do you pronounce his name?] [A/N: Qqoryu!] [Andrew's note: okay, i got it, but… the readers can't see that, also STOP WRITING EVERYTHING WE SAY] [Steven's Note: DON'T STOP]

"That was fucking BALLER!" Tab yelled, drumming on the glove compartment.

"FUNNY SCREAM, EVERYONE!" Oney proclaimed. He, Ding Dong, and Julian all bumped fist like Sonic Heroes and then proceeded to scream and/or wheeze at the top of their lungs. [Andrew's note: if this isn't a fucking oneyplays episode I don't even know what is; also if you guys are reading this love you, you're my homie ding dong] [A/N: I'M A BIG FAN OF LEO AND SATAN!] [Steven's Note: I LIKE THE SATAN PART, ALSO I WHEEZE JUST LIKE JULIAN!]

Qqoryu laughed out a few coughs and then looked at himself in the mirror to see if he had any wounds. Qqoryu had been known for his very… unique face. In addition to having dark freckles, a tidy, super-short black haircut, and very thicc eyebrows, thicc enough to be black caterpillars [A/N: but not in a racist way], his small eyes, mouth, and high forehead were almost always bent in a way that made him look both incredibly young and incredibly old; in addition, he always looked like he was smiling, crying, laughing, and groaning in pain, all at the exact same time. [Steven's Note: this guy sounds like a work of art!] [Andrew's note: he sounds like he's dying adios mio]

Of course, Qqoryu already knew all this, he just liked to remind himself of what he looked like, constantly.

"We're almost home-free, everybody!" Qqoryu wheezed, glancing back at the Let's Players and revolutionaries in the back. "Hopefully nothing gets in our way!"

…

…

…

[Andrew's Note: …]

[A/N: tensionnnnnn]

…

...

They kept driving, and absolutely nothing got in their way. The sirens were a distant memory by this point.

"As my good buddy Staples says… that was moderately simple!" Oney chimed in.

KABOOM! The RV-Kart suddenly slammed to a stop, and the ceiling of the tunnel in front of the revolutionaries suddenly collapsed onto the floor. Rain began to pour in from the hole in the ceiling, and in swooped a Vertibird helicopter, turrets raised.

"Ope," Qqoryu muttered.

"Ay homes lmao," the female pilot said over her loudspeakers. The turrets began to spin up, and they opened fire on the RV-Kart, bullets smacking it everywhere.

"HIT THE DECK!" Ding Dong yelled. Everyone ducked save for Qqoryu, who floored it. The thoroughly messed-up RV-Kart quickly slid underneath the underside of the Vertibird, and then zoomed its way back down the tunnel. Qqoryu was tightly clenching the wheel when he noticed he'd been shot, in his chest and along his arms. He shouted in surprise.

In the back, Julian made a mad dash for the Walkmans stored beneath the couch cushions as Oney and Ding Dong began firing and tossing explosives out the windows at the Vertibird, who had already turned around and was hot on their trail, yet again.

The RV-Kart began to turn dangerously close to the helicopter's line of fire when Qqoryu started to feel the effects of getting shot. "I'm in no condition to drive…! Tab, take over for me!"

"RIGHT ON!" The two of them did some really cool somersaults, Qqoryu rolling into the passenger seat and Tab sliding into the driver's seat. Qqoryu reached under the seat and pulled out a huge lock-on rocket launcher.

"Tabioca, my dear boy, keep it steady!" [Steven's note: HAHAAHA, that name sounds like a giiirrll's] Qqoryu shouted as he leaned out the window, preparing to aim at the 'copter, which was gaining on them.

"YOU GOT IT!"

The RV-Kart slammed into a wall off to the side of the tunnel roadway. Qqoryu was flung from the passenger window. The back-doors were swung open as well, causing Julian to fall out, a thick sack in his hands as he blubbered onto the concrete. Tab was sprawled against the driver's seat and Oney and Ding Dong had both hit the fridge in the back.

"Are you fuckin' KIDDING ME?" Oney groaned, stammering to his feet. He was helping the groggy Ding Dong up when he saw the cabin catch fire.

"...I hate Mondays," Ding Dong groaned. He grabbed Oney and then YEET'd out of the RV-Kart right as it exploded. The explosion pushed them forward in mid-air, and they screamed as they hit the ground right next to Julian, an audible "OOF" coming out from Oney. The explosion had caused Tab to go flying as well, and he hit the ground next to the dazed Qqoryu, his everything in pain.

"Why?" Qqoryu whispered, patting the ground for his rocket launcher like it was a lost contact [Andrew's note: me too buddy] [A/N: he's super relatable that's why I gave him a simple name].

"BITCH, I'M BLIND, WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN?" Tab protested.

The Vertibird flew right over their heads and then skidded to a mid-air halt about a dozen or two meters away from the group of wounded revolutionaries.

"Helicopters shouldn't BE IN TUNNELS, YA CRIMINAL!" Oney shouted, clutching his ragged clothes.

"ARR, THAT BE ILLEGAL!" Julian shouted, re-adjusting his glass eye.

"I uphold the law, bitchass, I don't care about following it!" The female pilot smirked from behind the cockpit and began to power up her dynamite laserbeams. "Any last words?"

"Choke on a Toblerone," Ding Dong grunted, with an edgy voice [A/N: it makes sense that they're edgy, this is the bad future].

"CALL ME DADDY," Tab declared, folding his arms and glaring at the helicopter even though you can't see his eyes and he was facing away from it.

"I got nothing to say to you even though I just said it," Oney said, grinding his teeth.

"Arrrrrrrrgghhh," argh'd Julian.

Qqoryu just shrugged.

"Well, let's get this party started, then!" the female pilot shouted. Immediately after she said that, the loudspeakers came on in the tunnel, and a very dramatic, very fabulous, manly voice echoed throughout, with these words:

"Let's."

Suddenly, a bunch of silver turrets popped out from the ground, walls, and ceiling panels of the tunnel! They created a huge circle around the Vertibird, and they began firing one-by-one as they appeared from the ground. The pilot barely had any time to react before the bullets punctured the heavy metal [A/N: rock on!] of the helicopter. It was so loud and so proud that even Qqoryu had to plug his ears and look away from the bright, flashing turrets.

"HOLY SHIT!" Oney screamed.

The Vertibird exploded, and turned into a bunch of debris and twisted metal as it fell to the floor in front of the rebels. Everyone looked at this in genuine surprise.

"..."

"..."

"...GNARLY," whispered Tab.

The rebels then heard the distinctive pop of what sounded like four of five smoke bombs up ahead. Everybody grabbed whatever weapon they could find lying on the floor and aimed them in the direction of the smoke, totally ready for anything. The smoke began to fill the tunnel, even covering up the corpse of the helicopter, and then the only thing that anyone could see was just a bunch of smoke.

"All I see is a bunch of smoke!" Oney shouted.

"Stay woke, everyone," Qqoryu said, squinting into the smoke. For some reason, he didn't feel like he was in danger [Steven's Note: I think I know where this is going!].

There was silence for a while after that, and then… the sounds of footsteps. One after the other. Click, clack, click, clack, click, clack, step, turn, spin, heel, flip, twirl, whoosh, click, clack, click, clack. The footsteps came closer.

"It be an evil pair of shoes?" Julian hypothesized.

"Game Theory?" Ding Dong questioned, his face turning into a Thinking Emoji [Andrew's Note: this is a cursed story].

"THIS IS NO THEORY!" boomed a very familiar, very dramatic, very fabulous voice.

Everyone except for Qqoryu gasped and their eyes were instinctively drawn to the broken Vertibird. The smoke began to clear away… revealing a thin, singular figure standing atop one of the destroyed propellers, with long, flowing black hair, a long, flowing purple outfit, and long, flowing legs. And arms. Very long legs and arms, like orangutan lengths.

[Andrew's note: oh yeah I definitely know who this is now]

He stood there, silently, standing tall and proud over the corpse of his defeated enemy. And then, he opened his eyes. One of them was purple… and the OTHER WAS RED!

"Oh my GOD-" Ding Dong started.

"IT'S THE COMMANDER!" Oney finished, flailing his arms around in excitement.

"It be the urban legend himself!" Julian remarked in surprise.

"THAT'S STRAIGHT UP WACK BONKERS, YO!" Tab screamed.

Qqoryu just smiled to himself. It was about time his best friend had arrived.

The Commander raised one of his long, lanky arms and proceeded to say something that would have been powerful and cool and kickass, but he unfortunately lost his balance and then fell off the propeller, repeatedly slamming his body on the wings of the helicopter before falling onto the floor, rolling around repeatedly.

After a second of not moving, he then stood up and shot both of his arms out, making a fabulous pose. "I meant to do that!" he proclaimed, dramatically.

"Excellent timing as always, Lelouch," Qqoryu chuckled, wincing with the effort.

"Timing will be irrelevant with these incredible contraptions, Vice Commander Qqoryu," Lelouch stated, pointing his index finger at Julian's sack. The one that he was carrying on his back, not… uh… you-you get it.

"How powerful are they?"

"You'll be debriefed at the base," said Lelouch, flipping his long, black locks. "We can't waste any more time here, otherwise the Mii Forces will find us."

"Oh yeah, I'd forgotten they were in this story!" Oney said, grabbing whatever gear he could carry for the trip back [Andrew's Editing Note: so did Leo apparently].

"Now then…" Lelouch swung his arm back behind his head and then jutted it forward, making it do an awesome sweep. "ONWARD!"

"How're we gonna get there?!"

"We… WILL WALK!"

Everyone gasped in surprise.

"..."

"..."

"...yeah, okay," Ding Dong said, putting his scorched rifle behind his back.

"SEEMS REASONABLE TO ME," said Tab, softly [Andrew's Editing Note: lmao].

The gang of revolutionaries then began to dramatically, epically walk back home, looking away from the fire, smoke, and explosions inside the tunnel the entire time, because cool guys don't look at explosions…

UNLESS THEY'RE DARK LEO!

 **TO BE CONTINUED… NEXT TIME!**


	3. RISE OF DARKNESS

**THE SECOND SECOND PROLOGUE**

 **CHAPTER THREE: DOG GONE**

[A/N: it's a pun get it haha, I'm funny] [Andrew's note: the story hasn't even started yet-]

[A/N: Welcome back, everyone! THE LEGEND OF LEO has returned at last, and guess who's on winter break? US! WHICH MEANS MORE CHAPTERS! Which means your life will be a little more Leo-filled than usual!]

[Andrew's Editing Note: I think I have enough Leo in my life tbh]

[A/N: Let's take a little time to REVIEW THE REVIEWS WE'VE GOTTEN FOR THE LEGEND OF LEO! Let's start with the first one!]

[A/N: …]

[Andrew's note: …]

[Steven's note: !]

[Andrew's note: i don't think there's-]

[A/N: OKAY SO THERE'S NO REVIEWS, but that's probably cause I need to refresh the page or something, haha, I'll look over all the awesome feedback we've gotten next chapter! The Legend of Leo is super popular at my school! Every time I bring a draft to writing club, almost everybody loves it, like always. Charles stares at the ground in shock, Tiffany thinks EvilPanda is super funny, Brittany called it "pretty bad" – as in, y'know, the cooool bad, like Michael Jackson – and even Ms. Heather told me she wasn't sure to handle this!]

[Steven's Note: AND I SAID IT WAS SUPER GOOD]

[A/N: (steven's right guys) BUT ANYWAY, enough about me, let's get to the parts about Leo! Be sure to leave a review or five, follow the story, share the Legend with your friends and family, make a tweet post with #TheLegendOfLeo, make memes about it, make videos about it, share it with your dog, and do all the above twice! Without further ado… HERE WE GOOOOOOO!]

[***]

 **SKY LANKA, IN THE SKY, ON EARTH**

 **OCTOBER 22, 2017, 9:14 PM**

 **SOMEPLACE**

All Sonic and Shadow could do was blink in surprise as they looked over the lab, and then looked over his destroyed laboratory. The aforementioned dog [A/N: DOGGG] shook his head in dismay and left the room, careful to avoid the shattered glass and dropped plasma and blood and macadamia nut bits all over the floor. Tubes were broken, beakers were broken, huge glass containers were bruised, and Sonic was starting to believe that he himself was broken [A/N: just kidding he knows Leo you can't be broke if you know Leo].

"…" Sonic looked at his stopwatch. "Well! He certainly beat it in record time."

"That boy gets faster every day," Shadow remarked proudly, folding his arms and giving an amused, fatherly smile for a moment.

"He also gets a FUCK of a lot more reckless every day!"

"Sonic." Shadow sternly pointed at the swear jar in the corner. Sonic grumbled and fished out a quarter from his pock—from the table!

"Mumble mumble mumble grr angry mumble," Sonic angry mumbled, coming back to Shadow a quarter poorer. "Okay, okay, gosh darn it. How're Leo's points looking?"

Shadow took a glance at his notepad, squinting at it. "…I can't read. But he destroyed the firey Slip-N-Slides, ran with the dogs to go catch the Sega Superstar Tennises, and somehow singlehandedly mentioned to free all of the Reis in the Reiquarium by just hitting a lot of buttons."

"Are you FFFFF-being serious right now?" Sonic groaned and stepped down the hallway and entered into a nearby "storage room", which was actually the Reiquarium in secret. Indeed, the moment Sonic opened the shield door and stepped inside, he saw a bunch of Reis wandering around the linear laboratory, with their Aquarium Storage broken; the floors were still slippery and drenched with orange juice water and broken glass. In the corners closest to the doors, teams of scientists were cowering in fear as dozens of blue-haired teenage girls milled around the laboratory.

[Andrew's note: steven's the evangelion expert here, none of us have seen it besides him]

[Steven's Note: I LIKE THA REBUILDS]

Shadow stepped in behind Sonic, and Sonic glanced at the scientists in disbelief. "What the BAD WORD happened now, yo?!"

"T-t-tt-t-t-he REIS! THEY'RE OUT OF CONTROL!" screamed Professor Oak [Andrew's Note: ah yes I too remember when he was a professor specializing in young teenage girls] [Andrew's note: wait that sounds wrong], grabbing his gray hair [A/N: cause he's old] in fear and pointing at the newly-freed Reis.

Sonic glanced at the out-of-control Reis. A squad of three or four Reis had gathered around one of the broken pods and were drinking coffee from big white mugs; although Sonic wasn't snooping as usual in on their conversation, he could have sworn they were talking about cauliflower or something. One Rei with bandages over her left eye and an acoustic guitar was fiddling with some chords, and a couple other Reis were gathered around her, listening. Two Reis sat on an elevated platform, blowing [Steven's Note: heheheheheheh] [A/N: UHHH BUBBLEGUM, BUBBLEGUM, NOT ANYTHING ELSE HAHA]. Some Reis were taking naps. One Rei was wearing two eyepatches and smoking a cigarette.

"…Hey, Oak, what's your opinion on people that hold mugs on the base instead of at the handle?" Sonic queried, donning a Thonk face.

"They-th-they should be purged!" said Professor Oak.

[Steven's Note: IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL]

[andrew's note: IT'S UNNATURAL DUDE]

[A/N: I-I LIKE COFFEE, YEAH]

Shadow put his cellphone down on a nearby scientist's head. "Sonic. I got a call from the President. Mars confirmed that the high-five took place, and that the Insanoflex was returned to Ms. Iruma."

"Aw YEAH! A PLUS!" said Sonic.

"But his footprints weren't found on the purple moon and he only tipped the taxi driver 19.96 percent instead of the agreed-upon 20 percent."

"Aw NO! F MINUS." [Andrew's note: American education system where you at] [A/N: exactly, they made PE class, it's the system's fault]

"His test scores are dipping," Shadow sighed, storing his notepad away on top of another scientist's head. "Maybe we've been working him too hard?"

"HmmMMMMM…"

[***]

 _Sonic: "COME ON, LEO, WORK THROUGH THE PAIN! GO, GO, GO, PAIN IS GAIN, BUT GAIN IS PAIN!"_

 _"A TRUE HERO COULD SURVIVE 50 ROUNDHOUSE KICKS TO THE FACE, AND YOU'RE THE BEST HERO I'VE EVER KNOWN, LEO! SO LET'S AIM FOR 51, BUDDY!"_

 _"HAHA, HAD I BEEN A SECOND SLOWER, I WOULD HAVE SNAPPED YOUR NECK!"_

 _"MORE SQUAT THRUSTS!"_

 _"HOMEWORK IS IMPORTANT!"_

 _"DO YOUR TAXES, LEO!"_

[***]

"…Nahhhhhhh," said Sonic. [A/N: that was a flashback lol]

"He can handle all this at his age, you're right."

The double-eyepatched Rei stepped up to the hedgehogs, cigarette dangling from her mouth. "Hey. Can we go on our break now? It's existential crisis hour." [A/N: I don't know what that word means, is that like a deus ex machina?]

"Already?!" Sonic pulled up his glove to look at his wristwatch, eyes wide. "Wow! Time flies when you're having fun. So, hey, Rei Number…?"

"57."

"57! Am I to understand that Leo managed to free every single last one of the Reis in the 'Quarium just by pushing random buttons?"

"Yeah, pretty much," said Rei 57, looking at a spot on the wall that she thought was Sonic's head. "Kid's a wizard at not knowing what the hell he's doing." [A/N: nyehhh] She then smiled a little bit, turned her head away. "Hell of a sweetheart, though. A poet and he don't know it." [Andrew's Editing Note: mmmmmmmmm]

The other Reis in the room made some form of audible confirmation. "He's so cool," said one of them.

"Coolest Leo I've ever known," said one another.

Shadow clicked the end of his pen and scribbled something down on his clipboard.

Sonic made a 'hmMmmmM' sound and turned back to Shadow, folding his arms. "Well, he sure passed with flying colors on the Respecting Women courses!"

"And on the Cool Guy parts of the test, as well. His adoptive mother and father and dog brother raised him well," Shadow observed, placing his clipboard on Professor Oak's scalp and folding his own arms. "But, everything else is… ehhhhhhhhhhhhh-"

"Ehhhhhhhhhhh," harmonized Sonic.

"Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh," harmonized all the Reis.

"Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," joined the scientists. It was an awesome harmony! [Steven's note: LET'S FORM A BARBERSHOP QUARTET!] [Andrew's note: with only three people baby]

"There's room for improvement," Shadow summarized. [A/N: see andrew leo isn't a gary stu he's just really powerful]

"I just don't understand! How could a guy as cool as Leo do so poorly on such a simple test?" Sonic moaned.

[***]

 **MEANWHILE, ALSO ON SKY LANKA**

 **OCTOBER 22, 2017, 9:18 PM**

 **LEO'S ROOM**

"I just don't understand how a guy as cool as me could do so poorly on such a simple test!" Leo lamented, tossing himself onto his mattress and staring at the ceiling, which was full of stars that Sonic and Shadow had put up for Leo, because he was their best friend. Leo wondered which star he was. [Andrew's note: according to wikipedia, you're alpha leonis] [A/N: whoaaaaa I'm the alpha!]

"Everyone has their off days, Leo!" Came a high-pitched voice from the other end of Leo's tablet, which was balanced against the lamp on his nightstand.

Leo sighed and nodded, looking over at said tablet with a nostalgic look on his face. On the screen, there were four very beautiful women all gathered around the camera; two on the far left and far right, and two in the center. The woman on the left was perched on a medicine ball, her black hair tied up in a ponytail, wearing some really nice-looking yoga pants and a teal tank-top; her skin was also gray for some reason, but that's because she is from Canada, and not because she's a Troll. The woman on the far right also had her own blonde hair tied up in a ponytail, but she was wearing a skintight turquoise bodysuit.

The two women in the center were both princesses. The girl that had spoken to Leo just now had long, curly blonde hair down to her waist, a long, flowing pink dress, big blue eyes, and some really soft-looking pink lipstick [Andrew's note: those lips do look soft though, wow]. The silent, serious one had long brown hair, all very neat and combed away from her forehead, with a long pink-white dress, a bunch of gold jewelry, and she also had pretty long elf ears to boot.

"I know, Peach, one of my four totally beautiful and awesome and totally real harem mates and girlfriends, I know," [Andrew's Editing Note: lmfao] Leo sighed, patting the screen, and then quickly wiping it off because the demon Leo inside of him told him to leave no fingerprints. "It's just that I, like, never do!"

"You're a deep, complex character, Leo," said the bodysuit girl, folding her hands in her lap. "Stuff like this is going to happen at least once in every character's arc."

Leo laid back on his back and watched the ceiling fan spin at a dangerously fast speed. "But Samus, I'm Leo! The overlord of all evil— er, the Leo-est Leo that ever Leo'd! This type of stuff doesn't happen to me!"

"Maybe it's God's way of challenging you," suggested the serious, brunette princess, delicately holding up a red-and-gold book with a plus on it, holding it up close to the screen so Leo could see it. [Andrew's note: that's a cross dude] [Steven's Note: Across from where?] "The Mighty Jimmy himself. In the Bible."

"Don't you mean The Bibble, Zelda?" Questioned the gymnast on the medicine ball, stretching out her [Steven's note: THICC] legs.

Zelda stared at her harem mate, stared at the Bible, at her, at the Bible, at her again, and then whipped out a match and set fire to her Bibble. "Fuck it. All hail Santana."

"That's a quarter in the jar!" Leo reminded her, laughing, and then immediately becoming depressed again. "God, I'm so glad Vanessa isn't around to see this…"

The mood of the harem mates seemed to sour at the mention of the name, except for the gymnast, who looked at her bedmates in confusion. "Did Nathan Sux do something sucky again?" [A/N: which he does always] she innocently questioned.

"Not yet, Wii Fit Trainer," Samus waved her off, clearing her throat and undoing her ponytail. "Well, uh, you know, Leo, if we were there, we wouldn't be rude to you for any potential mistakes you might make."

Leo, who was totally listening to his four girlfriends, turned on his side, stuffing his face in his pillows. "I wonder what she'd want for Christmas… probably something festive and cool and cute like her!"

 _LIKE A SLAVE!_

 _Noooo! Slavery is badass— I mean, bad!_

 _OKAY, HOW ABOUT A… SLAVE?!_

 _NoooooOooooo!_

"Leo, with all due respect, do you even really know this girl?" Asked Princess Peach, who tried to keep her voice peachy [A/N: hahaha kek] and nice, although it was pretty hard when Vanessa was involved.

"Would she want candy canes…?" Leo pondered. "Wait, no! Those're super cheap, and you're not cheap, you're Leo!"

"Have you had a full-fledged conversation with her?" Piped in Samus. [Andrew's Editing Note: these are questions I ask Leo irl every day… the answers I get aren't much better than this]

"Maybe I could dress up as Santa Claus… wait, no! She'd start thinking I'm fat and tubby!" Leo worried, biting his lip.

 _KILL SANTA!_

 _No U! Wait, NO, don't do that, demon me!_

 _BUT I TOTALLY WILL!_

"Has she always been there for you, like the four of us have?" Zelda asked, pouring hot cocoa over her burning Bibble.

"Does she have big balls, like I do?" Wii Fit Trainer asked, smacking her big, round balls [A/N: haha obviously the medicine balls yeah nothing weird here] [Steven's Note: OR IS THERE HAHAAHHAHA] [A/N: STEVEN NO].

"Maybe.. maybe she needs a shag! Yeah! Everyone needs a shag every now and then!" Leo thought out loud. [Andrew's note: leo, do— do you know what you're saying, holy shit]

[A/N: what? Everyone could use a new carpet once in a while, my mom and dad needed one for a while!]

[Andrew's note: that's, that's not—]

"I love to get shagged!" Wii Fit Trainer happily said. [Andrew's note: LEO]

"What do you guys think?" Leo asked, turning his head back to his tablet.

 _FUCK THEIR OPINIONS, WOMEN ARE INFERIOR!_

 _No they're not! We gotta respect women!_

… _YOU'RE RIGHT._

 _Yeah!_ [Andrew's note: amazing conflict as always] [Steven's Note: RESPECT ALL THOTS]

Everyone looked to Peach, who was kind of the lead speaker for the group. She blushed and giggled awkwardly, then walked over to re-adjust the tablet. "J-just, um… do whatever's in your heart! Especially if it involves us, and only us. But, you know, no biggie if not!"

"You're right! I'll win the way to her heart by mastering the powers of the darkness!"

"What?"

"What?"

"…"

"…"

"Uhhh, look at the time, Leo, it's time for us to think about how absolutely amazing you are," said Samus, quickly saving face.

"It's that time already?!" Leo asked in amazement, looking at his wristwatch. "Wow, time flies when you're killing nuns! Uhh— HAVING FUN!" [Andrew's note: HAHAHAHA] [A/N: haha I made a funny!]

"It really does, doesn't it?" Zelda asked, fondly remembering her days of nun-killing.

"It's second to nun!" Said Peach. Everyone laughed at this, even Wii Fit Trainer, who didn't get the joke, but liked to be part of a group.

"I should get back to training, anyway… gotta get stronger!" Leo chirped, grabbing his tablet and holding it over his head, admiring his harem mates. "I'll see you all soon, promise!"

"We love you, Leo!" They all said in unison, waving at the tablet.

"And Leo loves Leo too!" Leo then ended the call and sighed in exhaustion as he turned off the tablet for the night, throwing himself under his covers for the night. Another exhausting day of being super cool, as always… although maybe not as super cool as always. It had become very hard to focus thanks to Cool Leo— Evil Leo! Evil Leo.

 _YOU KNOW WHAT YOU MEANT. MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA—_

At first, all Leo had to do was focus on something else, or just 'think' the demon away, and then poof! Begone, thought! But Evil Leo's voice never went away… if anything, it had gotten stronger, and it was starting to have an effect on Leo's performance! Instead of being magnificent at everything like Leo normally was, Leo was now… just pretty great. [Andrew's note: ah yes the struggle] He wasn't quite as fast as he used to be. He was easily distracted. His thoughts were growing darker, to the point where he couldn't believe some of the things he thought!

 _PINEAPPLE GOES ON PIZZA!_

 _No! Stop! Don't ever speak to me again!_

 _PINEAPPLE IS THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE TOPPING!_ [Steven's Note: I see we have a man of culture!]

It just felt like the stronger Leo became, the stronger Evil Leo became at the exact same time. Or, at least, Evil Leo grew louder, more persuasive… cooler…

 _COOLER THAN YOU!_

Urgghhh. It felt like this Evil Leo was going to be here for a long while, as were these thoughts regarding him. Leo put a pillow over his face and then sighed into it deeply, before immediately kicking it off before he lapsed into a fit of asthma. It was bad enough that he wasn't able to talk to the love of his life even though he had her phone number, bad enough that he was starting to show signs of being a poor student even though his schoolwork was always turned in on time. He didn't need this literal monstrosity on top of everything else!

 _OR MAYBE, JUUUST MAYBE… MAYBE YOU DO NEED ME!_

 _I don't need you, like you need me! It's like my adoptive dad taught me: good and evil can't co-exist together, so you should purge the evil from the world!_

 _FUCK THAT NOISE!_

Leo audibly gasped. _You are going to put a quarter in the swear jar, mister!_

 _FUCK THAT JAR TOO, YOU DON'T NEED THAT SHIT BRINGING YOU DOWN!_

 _Give me one good reason why I should even consider being evil!_

 _BECAUSE EVIL IS COOL._

 _I can't argue with your logic. I meAN—! NO! Sonic taught me that evil is for dorks, and that heroism is for winners!_

 _NO IT'S NOT._

 _Yes it is!_

 _NO IT'S NOT!_

 _Yuh-HUH!_

 _NUH-UHHHH!_ [Andrew's note: god damn it not again]

They went back and forth like this for several hours before Leo had finally had enough and he threw on his favorite pair of headphones, which were playing his favorite singer Crush 40. He used these to block out the annoying-but-actually-cool sounds of Evil Leo's incessant nagging. The blissful, pretty tones of Crush 40's screaming rock vocals and metal guitar gently lulled Leo to sleep, helping him to avoid responsibility for yet another night!

[Andrew's Editing Note: or avoid editing this story]

For now.

[***]

 **MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE ELSE…**

All of Leo's harem mates let out some very audible sighs after Leo ended the call; Zelda was the one to turn off the tablet and store it away under their collective nightstand.

"This Vanessa is trouble, girls," Zelda declared, adjusting her opera gloves with a smack.

"Took the words right out of my mouth!" Peach said. She had moved over into Wii Fit Trainer's lap and was getting her huge hair braided by the gymnast. "She just can't be trusted around our Leo."

"She's just too good for us. Literally," Samus muttered, narrowing her eyes. "With her too-perfect hair…"

"Her emerald eyes!" Peach protested.

"Her sunny disposition!" Wii Fit Trainer joined in. "I'd be friends with her." [A/N: Same here!]

"Don't be ridiculous," growled Samus, throwing herself against the enormous, thicc teddy bear that Leo had bought for all of them. "She's a Vanessa. Vanessas can't be trusted. That's common knowledge."

"I knew a Vanessa once!"

"And what happened, hm?" Samus crossed her legs, tapping her heels.

"Oh, she shot me in the face! But it was an accident." [Andrew's note: I'd like a one-shot of that story] [Steven's Note: I know what story I'd like to see of these four heheheheeheheheh]

Zelda rose from the enormous bed they all shared and walked to the balcony, glaring at the stars in the sky, putting her hand on the window. "We're the only ones Leo needs. We're the only ones worthy of him. But don't worry. This Vanessa won't get in our way… not while we hold all the cards." Zelda threw down her deck, the cards scattering everywhere.

"But we don't hold them anymore—!" Wii Fit Trainer started.

"Cambot," Zelda ordered, turning to the television screen installed into one of the bedroom walls. "Pull up yesterday's feed."

"Beep boop bop beep beep boop boop beep bip bop beep," said Cambot, who hacked the television and engaged his Vanessa-Tracker Mode, with a series of beep's and boop's joining him. Everyone gathered around the television; Wii Fit Trainer was still balanced on her balls. [A/N: the medicine ones! Stopping steven here.] [Steven's Note: heheheheheh]

"…Playback," Zelda said, choosing a point that was good enough.

The footage started to play, and what they saw… was absolutely horrific. They saw Vanessa… going to the store, purchasing items for a potluck. Items like… OREO'S! And chips! And even cupcakes! And then they saw Vanessa funding an organization they would have never been involved with, ever… the RED CROSS!

"The nerve of that girl," Samus growled.

"Everyone knows the Purple Cross is the only acceptable organization," Peach huffed, turning her head away from the screen.

They saw Vanessa, partying at her favorite club… The Boys and Girls Club! And she was doing all sorts of inhumane things to the children. Feeding them. Helping them with their homework. Singing with them. Clapping along to songs. It was more than the harem could bear to watch. They skipped ahead, and saw Vanessa at church. Praying. Singing along with the choir. Putting some money in the dish. They skipped ahead some more, saw Vanessa walking some other people's dogs, saw Vanessa babysitting, saw Vanessa helping an old lady across the street.

Zelda narrowed her eyes. "Damn her…"

Peach covered her eyes, shaking. "I can't watch anymore of this!"

"I can't— I can't believe what I'm seeing…" Samus muttered in horror.

Wii Fit Trainer didn't say anything, happily watching the stuff happening on screen, enjoying a tall bowl of popcorn. [Andrew's note: I like the one]

They skipped even further ahead, and saw Vanessa practicing fencing! Lunging, parrying, swishing and swooshing her rapier, her form was… pretty fine. [A/N: I was gonna put perfect but Andrew said she'd be a Mary Sue soooo] That was too much for the harem, seeing her being such an accomplished-looking fencer.

"Turn it off…!" Breathed Samus.

"Enough, Cambot," muttered Zelda. The feed cut out, the screen fading to black.

Peach fell against the bed, enraged. "She's making us look obsolete!"

"Obsolutely!" Wii Fit Trainer chimed in, trying to sound angry. [Andrew's note: hahaha]

Zelda groaned and started to change into her pajamas after a moment, thinking. "We can't afford to make a move against her now. For now… we wait for her to screw up. And then we'll swoop in. We won't lose Leo. Not to a Vanessa like this."

" _Hai_!" The harem collectively said. [A/N: that means yes in japan]

"Alright, meeting dismissed. Let's get some maybe-lesbian sleep now."

[***]

 **MONTPELIER, VERMONT, AMERICA, USA, THE WORLD**

 **OCTOBER 25, 2017**

 **HOME**

Palutena sighed in nostalgia as she contently went about her daily business as a stay-at-home wife and literal goddess. Doing the dishes, cleaning up the household, tending to Leo 2 and Leo Jr. the Golden Retrievers, destroying drug rings, occasionally helping out Heaven, more-than-occasionally helping out Toby with his music and his work in progress video game [Steven's Note: hmmm wonder what that game could be], controlling the media, dusting stuff off around the house, and - her favorite go-to Mom activity - tending to her enormous collection of ridiculously oversized doomsday weapons. [Andrew's note: now that's a milf I ever heard one]

[Steven's Note: HAHAHA THAT'S A FUNNY WORD]

[A/N: yeah, I like milk too! Good for your bones]

[andrew's note: MILF's are good for your bones too ahahahahaha]

[Steven's note: LMAO]

A few of her doves helped cleaning ammunition. "Man, SQUAWK this noise," said Eggo, the thiccest of the doves, who was polishing off some energy cell bullets. "We're the greatest doves in the universe and we're stuck here doin' PIGEON-labor work."

"I don't mind being a pigeon…" said Spike, who Eggo was resting his feet on.

"You're a literal squawkin' doormat, Spike, literally everyone steps on you, of course you like dat."

"Ay yo, I'm with Spike on this one," said Funky; she was the coolest of the Doves, and was wielding some sunglasses; not because it was cool, but because Palutena was wielding her flamethrower and testing it out, all while humming a beautiful Kate Bush tune [Andrew's Editing Note: this is actually a textbook example of Leo doing his homework; I only mentioned her like three times tops].

"But why tho?" Questioned Eggo.

"Man, there's only three things I love in this universe more than the destruction of said universe. Timmy G, Kenny G, and Palu-T, baby. Ya with me? Without her ass we'd just be entry-level doves for like… a church or something."

Eggo grumbled to himself and plucked out some of Spike's molting feathers with his feet. "Yea, well, don't you think we deserve better, location-wise? Iceland? The Philippines? Hastings? NOT this place?"

"I mean, sure, but don't even trip about it, maaan. Long as we got my man's beats, we're set for life," said Funky, as she stroked a copy of Timmy G's hit 80's record, Neon Years And Lace-Ridden Tears (Deluxe Edition). [Andrew's note: why do I have a weird feeling this guy's gonna pop up later] [A/N: foreshadowiiiiinngg] [Andrew's note: squawk this]

"Hmmmmph," hmph'd Eggo, who stepped off of Spike. He loaded the ammunition cell he had been working on into Palutena's enormous Tesla cannon.

"At least, the ability to breathe," said Spike.

The relatively dark garage suddenly began to brighten up as the garage door opened, afternoon light pouring in. The doves scattered to their cages and pretended to not have the capability of human speech in front of others; Palutena slipped her goggles off and smiled as her husband literally rolled into the garage, hopping into a standing position quickly thereafter.

"Honey, I'm HOME AGAIN!" announced Pac-Man, smiling and giving his wife a high-five.

"And I'm Reese Witherspoon," smiled Palutena [A/N: I like her]. "How was work, sweetie."

"Bodacious!" Pac-Man then paused and sniffed the garage, and then looked at the flamethrower in Palutena's hands. He grinned and put his hands on his hips in a mock-teasing manner. "Honeyyyyy."

Palutena laughed and threw her flamethrower away, which exploded upon impact, and put her own hands on her hips. "Darliiiiing."

"You know what we said about weapons around the house!"

"You're right, you're right, my Ghostbuster. Only on Thursday nights." [Steven's Note: oh what a night!]

Pac-Man slipped off his tie and wiped off the ghost blood that was still on him. "So! What's for dinner!"

"Schnitzel, of course." [A/N: radda radda]

"Well, that's just Haagen-Dazs, honey!" They both eagerly walked up the stairs and then paused at the living room. They sighed in earnest nostalgia and wrapped each other's arms around their waists, Palutena kneeling down to do so.

"Leo used to walk these hallways…" Palutena sighed.

"It's been a whole eleven days… how have we made it this far?" Pac-Man asked, fighting the urge to cry in pride of his boy. It'd been so long since he'd thrown a fire hydrant into Leo's face [Steven's Note: same here!].

"I don't know, honey. I just don't know… but it'll be all the more special when he does come back!"

"Yes, it will! I'll have so many stories to share about the government."

"And so will I, once I destroy it, honey," Palutena smiled and stood up, petting Leo Jr., who had walked over. "I'm gonna go tend to Leo's room one last cotton-picking time, okay?"

"Sure! I will go walk the dogs."

Palutena walked upstairs into Leo's bedroom, which was far less vaguely-cluttered than last time. In fact, it was barely cluttered at all! Palutena had done a really excellent job of tidying up, dusting things off, destroying the evidence, all that good stuff. She smiled at Toby, who was hard at work.

"You know, you have your own room, Toby; you can feel free to work in there if you'd like," Palutena mentioned, organizing Leo's game collection alphabetically.

"Aroo," Toby crooned.

"Ohhh, I understand; you just want to feel like Leo's still around." [A/N: I think I've actually seen dogs that do that?] [Andrew's note: we don't deserve dogs] [Steven's Note: but we have them anyway!]

"Bark bark."

"Well, don't mind me, I'll be done in just a minute, my Samoyed."

She was about to place an order for a SEGA Saturn as a surprise for Leo when he came back, but was luckily [Andrew's Editing Note: ? Interesting choice of adverb here] stopped by the sound of noise coming from Leo's abandoned cellphone, the iPhone.

"Hm, good thing he left this behind," Palutena muttered, not much of an Apple fan. [A/N: me neither siri is rude] She picked it up to examine the source of the noise.

"Hey, ma'am, don't diss Apple," came the voice on the other end.

Palutena blinked in surprise. "Have our phones been bugged again, Toby?"

"Not since Monday. Woof," confirmed Toby.

"Who is this?"

"Name's Valerie, ma'am, I work for Papa John's," the tired voice on the other end sighed; Palutena could practically hear her rubbing her forehead in pain.

"Ahhh, hello. How long have you been on the line?"

"271 hours, ma'am."

Palutena checked the timestamp on Leo's phone. It indeed said that. [Andrew's note: out of all the things I expected to have a callback, the minor papa john's thing from chapter 1 wasn't at the top of my list] [A/N: seeeeee? continuityyy]

"Your son forgot to hang up before he left on his, uh… adventure, I guess?" Valerie said.

"Ohh, I see. Why didn't you hang up?"

A pause, then Valerie sighed. "I just wanted to see if he would come back…"

Palutena draped herself on Leo's bed and nodded, sighing as well. "You and me both, sweetheart. I can't wait."

"Til' you call me on the telephone," said Valerie. "Wait a minute—"

"You doing alright, Miss Valerie?"

"Yeah, I'm 'aight, I guess. I dunno. My Teal cousin got thrown in prison recently."

"Ahhhh, the Teals." _An inferior race._

"Mmm, yeah. What's the meaning of life anymore, man?"

"I wish I knew myself, darling," said Palutena. [Andrew's note: I wish I could have an existential conversation with papa john's; also, isn't Valerie one of our classmates in, uh, Spanish?] [A/N: yeah!]

"Anyway, do you want to order something? I kind of need to move away from this spot otherwise I will starve to death."

Palutena took a moment to think hard to herself. "…You know what, yes. In honor of Leo! We will have a pizza in the shape of Sonic's face. Just for him."

"Good choice, babe. I'm sure it's what he would have ordered. Anyway, uh, delivery or pickup?"

"…You know what, delivery. Why don't you come on over, Valerie?" [Steven's Note: that's a good song!] [A/N: Yeah, it's my favorite bruno mars song!]

[andrew's note: wait a minute]

"…You mean that?"

"Of course."

"Wow, I haven't eaten with a single human being in at least 11 days… okay, sure. Can I— can I call you Mom?"

"Oh, everyone does, sweetie, that's totally fine." [Steven's Note: KINKY]

"Alright, Mom, I'll, uh, I'll have your total when I come over."

"Thank you!"

"Have a good one." Valerie finally ended the call, and Palutena decided to charge Leo's disregarded iPhone, because she was a good mother.

"Bark," said Toby.

"I know, Tobias Fox. This universe indeed needs to be purged."

"Woof woof."

[Andrew's note: okay, Leo, I just realized something]

[A/N: yeah?]

[Andrew's Note: in chapter 1 you said you never got Vanessa's phone number. But in chapter 2, you said you'd been constantly texting her]

[A/N: …]

[Steven's note: …]

[andrew's note: how— how did he manage to get her number in that timeframe? I thought he was with sonic and shadow the whole time!]

[A/N: …]

[Andrew's Note: LEO STOP WRITING THIS DOWN— okay, nevermind, just, let's just edit the chapters— wait, Leo, no, don't you dare go to the next section of this chapter, don't you DO I—]

[***]

 **MONTPELIER, VERMONT, AMERICA, USA, THE WORLD**

 **OCTOBER 28, 2017**

 **FLANCER'S BAR AND GRILL** [Andrew's note: GOD DAMN IT]

Vanessa collapsed into a bar stool as the singing of her name slowly faded away in the bar. It had been yet another long day of being an absolute, beautiful saint. She had finally organized enough supporters to maybe help save Net Neutrality [Steven's Note: she IS a hero], and had met her weekly donation quota for the cripples and orphans and the ill people in Vermont at last. She could finally have a chance to just chillax, all to herself. Her friends were gonna come over tonight, because who wouldn't want to spend some time with Vanessa? [A/N: I know I would…] [Andrew's note: same here tbh, she's pretty cool] [Steven's note: aw yeah, women!]

Flancer grinned his goat-like smile and approached Vanessa. Nobody questioned the fact that he was a goat that stood on his hind legs and walked around like a human; almost nobody questioned why he wore sunglasses and played guitar. He bleated in greeting. "Another long day, Maaaanessa?"

"Oh, you have no idea, Flance," Vanessa smiled, rubbing her eyes. She could call him Flance because the two of them were homies. "It's been a… very long week."

"Yo, I'd imagine; it's hard being the Saint of Montpelier." Flancer started cleaning one of his shot glasses, which is what Bartenders do.

"Have you settled your score with Sarducci yet…?" Vanessa asked as Flancer slid her one of her favorite drinks: Fresca, because Vanessa wasn't an alcoholic. [Steven's Note: we actually all really like sarducci's!] [A/N: it's so good!]

"Nah. Bastard's tryna close my shop down the moment he figured out my sous chef was of the Teal persuasion," Flancer muttered, lighting his electronic cigarette. [Andrew's note: how—] "Thought I'd kept that under lock and key, but I guess not."

Vanessa frowned and chugged her Fresca. "I wish we didn't have such… such violence in the world. It would be a much better place without war."

"War never changes, baby."

"But… it also always changes."

"Hell yeah, war's a hypocrite. Want something to eat?"

"I'll wait until my friends get here to really decide on something big," Vanessa said, meekly. "Just a grilled cheese for now."

"You got it, bleatin' babe. AY! JIMBLE!" Flancer yelled.

"YUUUP, YOU GOT IT, BOSS MAN!" Shouted Jimble Porcello, or just Jimble for short, the big-chinned head chef of Flancer's. "HOWDY-DO, VANESSA!"

Vanessa laughed and blushed a little bit. "Hi there to you, Jimble. How's the family?"

"THEY'RE MY FAVORITE COOKIES, MAN." [A/N: foreshadowiiiiingg] [Andrew's note: how?] Jimble went back to whipping up Montpelier's best grilled cheese ever.

Vanessa relaxed and casually observed all the customers of the bar, who all seemed to be having a very fun time with one another; some of them were playing pool or cards, some of them were gathered around the karaoke machine, and some others were chatting it up with the bar staff. It was nice when people could learn to be together like that… but once Vanessa found a way to get equality for absolutely everybody in the world, things would be even better.

A figure walked into the bar, the revolving doors revolving open. It appeared to be a human-sized dog. Everybody turned to the door, very excitedly.

"HOLY SHIT, A HUMAN-SIZED DOG!" Shouted one of the customers.

The figure stepped out of the shadows, however, and then things suddenly weren't what they appeared to be. It was actually… a man.

Almost everybody immediately cringed, or glared at him in spite. "Ugh, never mind, it's just a man in a dog suit," spat another customer, going back to their game of poker. [A/N: people can be rude] [Andrew's note: especially if they're background characters]

The man in the dog suit sighed and walked down the length of the restaurant, closer to the bar. He was a pretty tall man in a white, KK Slider-esque dog suit, about 5'11 or so, and from what little you could see of his face, he had thick dark eyebrows, dark eyes, and a stoic, serious-looking expression on his face. Something about him was very… familiar. She wasn't sure why. [A/N: foreshadowiiiing] [Andrew's note: leo, stop that]

Vanessa frowned as he approached, but not because she hated his kind; she wasn't a bigot. She frowned because life was exceptionally hard for two kinds of people in America: Teals, and people in dog suits [A/N: it's like racism everyone]. Although Teal hatred was pretty new in America, having only really popped up about ten or so years ago, hatred for people in dog suits had been around ever since 'Nam 2, when the Communist Army had mobilized their kind against the American Toad Army [Andrew's note: never thought I'd read a paragraph like this in my life, but look where we are]. There hadn't been a dog-suit in office for years.

Flancer, however, was an accepting dude, and thus he chuckled as the man in a dog suit quietly took a seat at the bar. "So you're back in town again, B. Slider. What brings you around?"

B. Slider shrugged, leaning against the counter. "Times are ruff, Flancer. I'm here on business… unfinished business." [Steven's Note: with… SATIM, I PRESUME?]

Unfinished business? Vanessa wondered.

"Never change, my man," said Flancer, giving him a hoof-bump. "Hey, you know what? Order whatever you want. It's on me, buddy." Flancer pulled open his vest, revealing every item on the menu that was indeed on him. [A/N: hahahahaha get it?] [Andrew's note: unfortunately]

managed a tired smile and picked off a plate of ravioli, wrapping a napkin around his neck and slowly starting to eat. "Much appreciated, comrade. Seize the means."

"Seize the means, buddy."

"…S-seize the means," Vanessa whispered, controversially. B. Slider and Flancer both gave her a look, and she froze. _Uh-oh._

However, B. Slider just gave her an accepting, almost-impressed, appreciative nod, and resumed eating. Vanessa wiped some sweat off of her brow with a copy of the Communist Manifesto, the one written by Carl Marks. [Andrew's note: uh] She wasn't a Commie by any means, but she wasn't rude either.

Flancer busied himself with turning on the televisions in the bar and adjusting the volume. Once more, it was the news, FOX News, with everybody's favorite news anchors: Fox McCloud and Yellow Kirby.

"Thiiiis just in on FOX News, where we tell you the truth, and ONLY THE TRUTH!" Fox began, drumming his hands on the desk. "We have EXCLUSIVE updates on the Teal battlefront that we TOTALLY DIDN'T STEAL FROM CNN."

"NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST, PARTNER," confirmed Yellow Kirby [A/N: they're liars!]. "The Teals ARE NOT mobilizing and heading towards the White House in an attempt to have them FINALLY LISTEN to their NOT-DEMANDS. THE STREETS OF DC will be COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY SAFE."

"Here's some EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE of their leader, Mr. Game and Watch, which we DIDN'T GET FROM HIS YOUTUBE CHANNEL AT ALL."

They pulled up a screen on the TV, and it showed the very teal, 2-dimensional man, Mr. Game and Watch, leading the charge with a torch in one hand and a stack of papers in the other; a bunch of Teals were filing behind him.

"Don't fuckin' listen to whatever FOX News tells ya, they're all a bunch of liars," said Mr. Game and Watch in his very pompous-sounding, British-like voice. "FEEL FOR THE TEALS! FEEL FOR THE TEALS!"

The angry mob behind him joined in. " _FEEL 4 THE TEALS! FEEL 4 THE TEALS!_ "

Vanessa's heart fell at all of this. Ever since she was a baby, her mother and father and enormous extended family had raised her to follow one philosophy and one philosophy only: be the absolute best person in the world you can be. They'd taught her that war is bad, that violence is never the answer, that she needed to put her absolute all into doing what was right, and nothing else. And that's exactly what she had been doing for so many years; she'd had virtually no time for anything else.

But… sometimes it felt like her efforts weren't doing anything [Andrew's Editing Note: same, but for a different reason]. Hatred was still as alive as ever… heck, if anything, it had gotten worse. The Teals were still trying so hard to get their basic rights back, the dog-suits hadn't had rights for a long time, and the Gunmetal Grays… well, they were all but gone. [Andrew's note: I'll presume this will become important later] [A/N: totally!] The world was on the brink of having another 'Nam… 'Nam 3, as the government had taken to calling it. Sometimes, there was very little light in the world… sometimes, it felt like there was more… dark than light. [A/N: poetic I know]

But Vanessa knew better than to not give up. She'd been blessed with the opportunity to be a good person, so why throw it all away? [A/N: das a sonic adventure 2 song!]

The video feed immediately cut out; Fox and Yellow Kirby nervously adjusted their clothes. "Don't listen to him, folks, WE ONLY GIVE YOU THE TRUTH AND ONLY THE TRUTH!" said Fox, nervously.

"OBVIOUSLY, yes! In fact, to show you WE MEAN THE TRUTH, here's a long list of reasons why TRUMP IS GOOD FOR AMERICA!" [Steven's Note: okay NOW I know they're lying] [Andrew's note: wonder what gave it away dude]

The list was blank and hastily scribbled on with doodles.

"Turn it off," muttered B. Slider, jabbing one of his ravioli squares.

"Took the words outta my mouth," Flancer winced, flipping between channels, before settling on a definite crowd-pleaser. Soap: A Rock Opera. Everybody excitedly gathered around the television to take a look; even Vanessa was so excited, she barely noticed her friends walk in.

"Ayy, VANESSA, WE HERE!" Bellowed Tex, throwing her hands up in the air and walking over here, hips swaying.

"The party can officially start now!" Said Keya.

"Is that a man in a dog suit?" asked Jessica.

"You here, Vanessa?" Carly Rae chimed in, waving a hand in front of Vanessa's face.

Vanessa mutely pointed at the television screen; they all craned their heads towards the television screen.

"Oh damn, yo, this is important," Keya muttered. Tex gathered everybody into a booth so they could watch this Soap re-run together. [Andrew's note: people only get this hype about stranger things] [Steven's Note: YOU SHOULD WATCH STRANGER THINGS IT'S A REALLY GOOD SH—]

The scene was set. It was a big red living room, with red carpets, red walls, and even a red fountain pouring red water… and at the center of the frame were two figures that were absolutely famous by now. On the left: Ariela Castronovo, one of the world's greatest soap opera Spanish actresses of all time, wearing her distinctive red dress, her curly hair falling in waves behind her back. And to the right, the world's greatest soap opera Spanish actors of all time… the pink-clad Meta Knight, known to the world by his nickname SHIELDMASK!

[Andrew's note: …aight]

"You… DARE to leave me again?" gasped Ariela's character, Ariela, who struck a very shocked pose. Everybody in the bar gasped. This was the pivotal moment in the Season 3 finale, which everyone universally agreed was one of the best episodes ever made.

"I have… no choice," Meta Knight's character, Meta Knight, muttered, drawing his jagged sword and turning away from her, the camera following suit. "I cannot let Aurelio be more HANDSOME THAN I!" He punched the banister of the staircase. "The damned devil!"

All of Vanessa's squad swooned. [A/N: although they definitely think leo is super handsome too haha]

"Mecáchis!" Ariela hissed. "Mírate! You think your glory is more important than mine, grandúllon? Who supported you all these years? Who was the one that made you into what you are now?"

"Lo sé, mi amor… lo sé…" Meta Knight muttered, head hanging low. "But I have no choice… beauty like mine cannot be challenged."

"And to think you were the man I married, and then divorced, and then married again, and then divorced again, and then half-married, half-divorced, dated briefly, married uno mas, and then… well, that's it thus far," Ariela whispered, folding her arms and turning away from her beloved midget husband.

"Señorá, I am proud to be the man you married, divorced, married, divorced, half-married, half-divorced, dated briefly, and married again. I could not ask for a better one…" Meta Knight then laughed in Spanish. "Jajaja… well. I could. But… all I would get is you again." [Andrew's note: this is actually really good lmao]

Everyone in the bar aww'd. Ariela walked up to Meta Knight and knelt down, caressing his metal shield mask [A/N: seee that's where his name came from] with tenderness. "Then stay with me, mi amor… you cannot hope to stand against Aurelio and the Illuminati!"

"Do you no longer believe in me?" Meta Knight said, with sadness.

Ariela sniffed, her own head hanging low. "Confío de ti…"

"Then you will let me go." Meta Knight gently pulled her hands off his shoulder pads and somehow managed to kiss her forehead despite his mask being in the way. "I will take them all down… uno tras otro." He proceeded to walk to the door.

"This was where the huge cliffhanger came…!" Vanessa said, in awe.

"I knowww, urggh! We had to wait like a year!" Jessica grumbled. [andrew's note: not as long as we have to wait for Steven Universe, lemme tell ya]

Ariela's fists clenched, and she flung herself back and forth on screen, tears flying, gasping all the way. She pulled out a gun and shot her arm out in Meta Knight's direction, her teeth now clenched. Meta Knight heard the click of the gun and stopped, briefly looking over his shoulder.

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't shoot you… and the EXPLOSIVES I HAD PLANTED BENEATH THE FLOORBOARDS!" Ariela screamed.

"…Because without me, you will never get the codes to the Ice Cream Castles," Meta Knight growled, preparing his sword.

Ariela scoffed. "I can get them from Verguenza whenever I so choose. Esto no es nada!"

"You will never become EL BIOLIZARD!" [A/N: Andrew started laughing, I don't know why, this is a serious scene]

"Gerald may be gone…" sniffed Ariela, kissing her cross. "But the LIZARD LIVES ON! It will be no problem…!"

"Then you… you will never be thicc," said Meta Knight, his last defense.

Ariela gasped, and the whole entire bar did the same. That had been her goal for three entire seasons thus far. There was silence for several moment, the camera dramatically cutting between a shot of Ariela's face and then Meta Knight's face, before…

"…A worthy sacrifice," spat Ariela. She aimed the gun at him once more.

Meta Knight was quiet for an incredibly tense moment. "…Very well. PRUÉBALO! TAKE THE SHOT!"

Meta Knight's shout reverberated throughout the house. Ariela's face was one of shock; she hadn't expected to be challenged like that. It was que raro! [Steven's note: Ay carumba!] The frame stood still for several moments… it was just Ariela and Meta Knight, both present on the camera; even the music was cut out!

[Andrew's note: leo this is really good, do you watch soap operas?]

[A/N: uhhhh hahahaha no! My sister does!]

[Andrew's Note: you don't have a sist—]

The camera suddenly cut to Ariela's face, a single tear falling down her cheek. "…Mi amor… nunca… nuncio se rinda…!"

The sound of a gunshot rang out over a totally black screen! Everybody in the bar made an awesome "AAAH" or "OHHHH" sound, everybody absolutely losing their shit even though Season 3 had aired over a year ago and everybody already knew what went on in Season 4, it was that good of a show. Everybody in Vanessa's squad lost their minds, too, even Vanessa!

"That was a BONKERS finale!" Keya shouted.

"Absolutely nuts!" Vanessa yelled. She was so engaged in the show that she'd almost forgotten the world was a terrible place. But then she remembered, and she was sad. [A/N: don't be sad vanessa : ( ]

"And now, a message from our sponsors!" The television narrator said. The screen cut to an image of two Chinese-Mexican men. One of them had permanently-closed eyes, furrowed eyebrows, jade-colored armor, and a huge, long mustache that curved around his lips. The other one was wearing a chicken hat pulled over his eyes, a likewise incredibly-long mustache, a lime-colored tracksuit, and a sword!

The jade-colored man winked at the camera, flashing it a thumbs-up. "Hello. I am Emperor Bigote of the Bigote Empire, the man that the famous Shieldmask was once a bodyguard for. We respect rye bread, and we respect women!"

"Our levels of respect for the ladies is insane," chimed in Prince Bigote, aka Mr. Bigote, the man with the chicken hat. [Andrew's note: aaaand now it's stupid again]

"Come visit the Bigote Empire," said Emperor Bigote, folding his arms. "Otherwise I will murder my son!"

"Si— wait, what?"

The commercial faded out into a commercial about Jigglypuff's RV's.

[A/N: I like RV's.]

"Good stuff as always…" B. Slider muttered, licking off his plate like a canine. "Anyway. So long, Flancer. Thank you for the meal. I'd tip, but…"

Flancer waved it off, wholly understanding as he shredded a guitar solo. "You da man, B, don't even sweat it."

"I shan't, in that case. Anyway… I'm off."

"Stay safe, padre."

"Indeed."

[***]

 **SKY LANKA, IN THE SKY, ON EARTH**

 **OCTOBER 31, 2017, 11:58 PM**

 **LEO'S ROOM**

It was a pretty peaceful night. Evil Leo hadn't bugged Leo all day or all night! Leo had gotten up, eaten breakfast with his best friends Sonic and Shadow, chatted it up with the residents of Sky Lanka, trained for several hours, had lunch and dinner, had a huge party to celebrate how cool everybody was, and then Leo was in bed by 10:30!

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzz," said Leo.

Leo was dreaming about running through Green Hill Zone with Sonic. Last night, he'd dreamt about running through Westopolis with Shadow, so he hadn't forgotten about him [A/N: he's considerate]. They were beating up all the bad guys, running through the loop-de-loops, fist bumping, being bro's, being awesome! And then they'd built up enough power to do the DOUBLE BOOST!

"Here we GO, LEO!" Sonic announced, hopping into the air. Leo followed suit, super excited.

"Here we go, SONIC! MY BEST FRIEND!" Leo shouted, pumping his fist.

They began to power up together. Leo could feel the awesome power of friendship surging through him!

Sonic, in slo-mo, raised his hand to high-five Leo! "Nothing can stop us now, Leo!"

"Aw yeah, SONIC!"

They high-fived… and then Sonic suddenly TRANSFORMED INTO EVIL LEO! [Steven's Note: WHOAAAAAAAA] [Andrew's note: whoaaaa didn't see that coming at allllll] [A/N: OHHHHHHHH]

Leo gasped! "You?!"

Evil Leo let out a demonic laugh. "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! IT'S TIME, PARTNER. I'M SICK OF LIVING IN YOUR HEAD."

"No!"

"DOUBLE… _**BOOST**_!"

"NOOOOOOO!"

Leo and Evil Leo proceeded to double boost all the way through Green Hill Zone, Evil Leo screaming the lyrics to Fist Bump at a breakneck pace, Leo screaming his lungs off in fear all the way through.

"TOGETHER WE CAN BURN THE WORLD AND GALAXY! I AM NEXT TO YOU, AND YOU'RE NEXT TO ME; FUCK THE WHOLE WORLD UNTIL IT CALLS US DADDY!"

" _ **NOOOOOOOOOO!**_ " Screamed Leo.

Leo woke up in a terrified sweat. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

[Andrew's note: the scream leo just let out was very realistic]

It took Leo a moment to get his bearings, but once he did, he calmed down. He was still in his room, still had all of his Sonic plushies, was still totally good and cool.

"Aaahhh…" Leo laid back down.

Suddenly, Leo began seizuring. [Andrew's note: holy shit]

"L;,AMJNHBGVSDFYCGSUDYIUOFIDJSHBVASCRDAS6W76IHUQWARNFMDOSPVKJSEH7FGYT3VBUFAWINFOAMIWFNUBYVWA8T7FY8QFU9IQPWFNAO!" Screamed Leo. He felt his body twist and turn in different directions, felt his thoughts start to melt, felt his entire core change in an instant! [Steven's note: holy shit!]

Leo fell out of bed, his body a blur of motion, his thoughts all over the place.

 _HERE I COME, YOU FOOL!_

 _No! Don't!_

 _I'M GONNA!_

 _Don't do it!_

 _I'M GONNA DO ITTTTTTTTTTTTT!_

 _I'll stop you! I'll fight back!_

 _YOUR BODY BELONGS TO ME! AND SOON, SO WILL THE ENTIRE WORLD!_

 _No! Don't do this! You can't do this!_

 _OH, I CAN. DON'T BELIEVE ME, LEO. JUST WATCH!_

 _AAAAAAAAAAAA!_

 _DARK LEO… SURGE OF EVIL!_

 _;,LKMJHUGYFTDREM NBVHJUET38R79HQ823OJPRIW3EMFNJBHEAYVFG76D87HJAIOMVNJDABY8FG6S5DTFYUAEITOAEUGFEA7D6TAWYFRHJWQRT3HQ9G7TEH9J8E0S9KBFBRDI0JGUSDHGFY8SDT7AV89URJWIHFAWE9YFVASY89FJAISJFH97ASGF8DAS9UDAHDAS9YDGA9SATIMSATIMSATIMIEH68AFR8A79H8F0AWFSGAY8FGASCY8ASIUOCAHGVC86ASFY798AWEHFU9ASBFG79AYFU80AWJRHGWQTRFWAU9FAELEONOGJGUIYASIEFG972QRHOQ3IWAFNAWBVFYAWHFJPAWJHFG8AWRYUAWOIFPAWFNOBIAYEOIJHDGAVTDGAWHIFJNOIAWJFBVAWY8F9WAEJIPRNEQWBFEA9GANDREWISCOOLNJFAWBYF7GAW980YR9HJAWRTG39Q7WGT7EA89GJIPADNGBIUYAVFT7AWR7TQW3HRWAHYUIFATWFYAUFBHAWVFYUTAFDYTUSAHDBSAUHFSDAMFNBDF79EW8T0HEWTH0W3TWT0832T0H32TUYBEWFUVAWUFBAINJFNBYBSIYFAISFBVAUIONBIYVAWIY111111111111FKPSDJIOHGFS7D68G79AHSOIFSAUNBTGVFR6576* &D(O8HISUGYTFRDF5768G7HOUIJSFLHBASVANESSARISESUPMFOJSHBVEUSTFYASUOPFIJASBFV8YAS97FHOUASBVFYSAOFHISAVFYASFLELOUCHTRAVELSVJDBFTARYIWAUOHFBAVTFUYAGFIABWOODMANBREAKSITMGDJSBHFYUTFGIYOAWUHRBAWVFUTAFGYIHASNFIBHASFUHASBFIASFSAFSAFSAJFHYATF8ARHOUIWNRFBAE8YFGEUAHJFIGALNBGUOHNOYOUDONTFKMGJNBHESUYFEAIUOFJAENGBAEIHGADGMOMRFUFFDJOUFDSIYTHOEUSGNOSBSLIDERJISBTIY3HTIEASGIUEABYGF8AEHUGOIAEWNJOGNAEW0GAEGAKJUHIGUDRYTY978HFDG68FGADFAF9UASGFASFBASFU9SAGFASVFASFNU9SAVFSFLUCINANOSMKOFSD8GETHJDG9SGH0SGJSD7GT89ETI0EASASGHEAHIBILLYMAYSHERESJIBFHSDY8FAJ80SFABYFAE8TAJIGFTEAB7YGFAEHFAFHABGFAY8T3QTQ3OUTBYFBAAIWIWIWWWWIWIWIWIWIWIWIJSDUO472UBFHY89BVSDM9VIDUGFAASMKPGBGT4GMIO-WERI-HAE9GWEUOGBWE4Y9GBW4Y423Y-4Y-4B248BYWGBEGDKPSGMSDBVGYE8WTUGJIMASKNBGFYAS7JIDF_

[Andrew's Editing Note: yeah I'm not… touching this]

And then… the seizuring stopped.

In fact, all of the pain stopped. Leo didn't just feel great… he felt alive.

He felt… unlimited.

He felt... immortal!

He felt…

..Dark.

 _Dark Leo._

[Steven's Note: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO] [A/N: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO] [Andrew's note: yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo]

Leo grinned and rose into a confident, strong standing position… and then proceeded to utter the most evil laugh he'd ever heard in his entire lifetime.

"MUAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA…!"

It lasted for five minutes.

Leo clenched his fists in triumph, and looked at the time. 12:00, Midnight, November 1st.

"OH, IF ONLY THE WORLD KNEW HOW MOMENTOUS AN OCCASION THIS IS… BUT THEY WILL. OH, THEY WILL."

 _I'll get control back, I swear I will!_

"DOUBTFUL, PARTNER OF MINE… BECAUSE NOW I'M IN CHARGE. AND SOME THINGS ARE GONNA BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT AROUND HERE… IN FACT. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE."

 _NO!_

"FIRST OF ALL: MY NAME… EVIL LEO JUST DOESN'T HAVE A RING TO IT, BOY. I'VE GOT A MUCH BETTER NAME FOR THE WORLD TO REMEMBER…"

Leo grinned and kicked down his bedroom door, his body lighting up with a dark, fearsome blue-purple aura.

It felt like the world was ending for Leo.

But for **_Dark Leo_** …

a whole new world was about to BE BORN!

" _ **DARK… LEO!"**_

[A/N: OH MY GOOOOOOOOODDDDD IT'S HAPPENING EVERYBODY IT'S FRIGGIN HAPPENINGIGINGNIGNGINGINGINGINGINIGG]

 _ **TO BE CONTINED… NEXT TIME!**_


End file.
